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Comment by nerdbaggy | Hacker News Reader

I feel you on this. I found out I had kidney cancer after my appendix decided it was time to go. I only had 3% of my left kidney removed and that is it. No chemo or anything just sore for a few weeks.

And man do I have guilt and felt like a fake cancer survivor. My experience was so minimal compared to a lot of people. But I realized I am a cancer survivor because of all the mental anguish cancer puts on me. It’s nothing I can ever explain, it is just this super terrible feeling of not knowing. Is my cough metastasized cancer? Probably not but my mind sure loves to think so. Having to deal with my own mortality was a big thing. I wonder if dying of old age causes as much stress and anxiety as knowing you have cancer and could die.

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Stage 3 thyroid cancer survivor here at a similar age to the author. I totally feel like a fake cancer survivor but it's definitely turned me into a hypochondriac. I had to get a colonoscopy recently due to my GI issues and some of the symptoms were similar to the ones for colon cancer. I've tried to move on after 2 surgeries, RAI, medication adjustment but mentally it's been tough. I have to get tested regularly to make sure there's no recurrence. The stress and anxiety have been extremely tough to deal with for someone who has been mentally tough all their life.

Same here. TT at 32 last week. Also got a colonoscopy about 5 years ago for (unrelated?) GI issues. What are you looking at for screening going forward?

I'm hoping the median synthroid dose im on ends up working out, but I still have to wait for pathology and RAI.

Edit: if it makes you feel any better all the docs/surgeons ive talked to have expressed that if they had to choose a cancer to get, it'd be thyroid.

Fist bump. In my first year screening, they still found some thyroid tissues in the thyroid bed that hasn't been fully destroyed by RAI. I have an ultrasound and blood work in another 3 months. My synthroid dosage was too high initially as per plan which caused a lot of anxiety, heart racing, GI issues etc. After they lowered it, it's more manageable. RAI is a pain due to the low iodine diet and quarantine but there's no other choice. In my case, it had spread to the lymph nodes so had to get RAI. Hopefully, you don't have to go through it. This is one of the good 'cancers' for sure but it's still life changing in a lot of ways.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation man, it might help to find someone to talk to and learn how some new methods of coping.

Stay healthy.

Fuck, that sucks. I hope you have someone to talk to, because that constant enxiety can wear you down. In my case it was a very good friend, close family had enough on their hands already to cope with.

I would never have believed it, but cancer changes you. And I can totally relate to the experience, while I wnet through chemo, it was an easy one. Seeing all the others, successfully going through it felt kind of like cheating to me, e.g. I never lost my hair or a lot of weight. Other had to be brouht to the brink of death in order to survive.

One thing I realized was, that I was less afraid of death itself, but rather the process of dying which can be a rather lengthy and ugly thing. Worst thing to happen, eve wirse than the initial diagnosis, was the moment a couple of months after I inished chemo. Some hemorroids started to act up again, and it was a quite realistic scenario that the cancer was back. Damn, I was destroyed by that. The initial diagnosis didn#t realy surprise me, for some reason I kind of expected that after all the tests they did. The potential second one caught me completely off guard, it took me a couple of months to recover from that. looking back, I'd say that was the worst part of the whole thing.

I had a partial nephrectomy several weeks ago due to kidney cancer. You're 100% right about the various feelings that come along with the experience.

Good luck - remember the recurrence rates are comparatively low once you get past a few years.

> And man do I have guilt and felt like a fake cancer survivor.

Just a data point from an third-party observer with no reason to lie to you: your survivor guilt [0] is normal, but you've done nothing wrong and your experience with cancer is valid and I appreciate you talking about it. It's easy to fall for the trap of minimizing your problems after comparing yourself to other people, and it takes courage to be vulnerable and honest about the things that get you down sometimes.

TL;DR: Thanks for your comment.

[0]: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt

Thanks for that I really appreciate it

> Is my cough metastasized cancer? Probably not but my mind sure loves to think so.

The same when an immediate family member has gone through or died of it.

Instead of being a survivor it’s more like a countdown due to the similar hereditary and environmental factors. Doctors will say “no, don’t worry about that”, the same people could be writing an entry in a scientific journal after your case finally appears.

“Hereditary and Environmental links in X cancer”

How did they find out?

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