I've been in industry for 12 years now, and none of your second paragraph rings true for me. "Useless client projects" and "boss/company save face when things fail" sound like they might describe some kind of consultancy? Evening/weekend HR events sound like a terrible HR team—if anyone should know the importance of being inclusive of parents and others with external commitments, it should be HR.

You recommend not running, but if you're not in a position to change some of these core practices, moving to a better situation may be the best option. I think one huge quality-of-life factor is working on a team with strong technical leadership. That could be a tech-led company, or it could be an in-house engineering team at any company where the team's director has clout outside the engineering team, generally based on a history of delivering value to the broader org.