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Why would you answer if you can't talk? That seems a lot more rude to me than not picking up and calling back when you have time.

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It gives the other person a chance to tell you if there is an emergency / tell you the urgency of their request, and also lets them know that you know they want to talk to you.

I have a rule with everyone who could have an emergency, 3 calls in a row.

I know it can be burdensome, but I don't answer in an emergency but if I ever see I missed 3 calls then I know it was an emergency.

That works too. Both Apple and Android have built-in support for do-not-disturb policies that will let someone through if they call twice in a row (defined as "within 3 minutes" on Apple and "within 15 minutes" on Android, it seems).

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