Why you should never be a startup girlfriend
stephfinch.com
For all of you ladies who may or may not be flirting with the idea of dating a startup programmer, you should know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.
stephfinch.com
The line that stands out for me: "If you want to understand your boyfriend, understand computers. It’s not that difficult."
I...I just don't know. I'm an engineer at an early-stage startup and computers are a big part of my life, but I certainly hope they're not the best way for my girlfriend to understand me.
I'm not ribbing the article. It's cute. But when I read it I cringe and maybe worry a little bit that I actually am like that.
I'd also feel terrible if I treated my girlfriend like that.
use of English != technological status
So? No where in the article do I see her complaining about anything. I am an "engineer" at a startup as well, and I have never treated a girlfriend poorly. She wouldn't skip work to spend time with you and you can't either. The difference is you work far longer and less set hours than she does. When you're building or running a business you have to be realize that there are people in that relationship that are counting on you, likely for their livelihood. Due to this fact, "dates" become less important than keeping the website up because missing a date doesn't cost you hundreds or thousands of dollars -- and it keeps the people you work with from becoming frustrated or angry by your lack of proper priorities.
I exhibit many of the tendencies she describes in the article, albeit toned down to a less extreme level (I would never do an SEO campaign for a gf's birthday site (or make said site), for example). Saying "If you want to understand your boyfriend, understand computers" is accurate so long as you take it to mean, to understand what he talks about if you ask about work or what's causing stress, etc. In previous relationships, sometimes the woman took a genuine interest in what I did, wanted to learn a bit about it, etc. Others would just affectionately tell me I'm "such a nerd" and tell me to come back to bed. Either way, it requires understanding on their part.
As for being boring, I can honestly say I've never had a boring relationship. Just because she works at a bank doesn't mean she's boring, just like coding doesn't make you boring. It's what you do with the time you're together that matters. In general, it's what you do when you're not working that makes life exciting and adventurous. Your profession should have nothing to do with that (unless you're an international assassin or something, then it's always exciting). An old friend of mine, who barely ever uses his computer, has routinely been described by his girlfriends as an extremely boring person. He doesn't like going out and would prefer to just lounge around his apartment all day and play video games or watch TV, regardless of whether or not his girlfriend is there. I have never once been with a woman and said "lets just sit around and you can watch me play this game." You're making assumptions based on outdated stereotypes.
Yes, in general "we" are highly technical, logical people. We like challenges and taking risks. We hate mediocrity and lose interest in anything as soon as it becomes boring. We can be very passionate, opinionated and headstrong. We have a constant desire to learn and grow in new ways.
Now, what in the hell is bad about that?
since feeling is first / who pays any attention / to the syntax of things / will never wholly kiss you
I suppose the thing is that the title "Ways to Deal with a Relationship Between an Archtypical Nerd Working at a Startup and Moderately Nerdy Girlfriend Who Isn't" doesn't have quite the same ring to it.
There are lots of other walks of life that require startup-level commitment. People working in those "get it". I think it's harder for someone who has a "normal job" and is trying to cope with being resolved to be a "startup girlfriend" (rather than say, a film director or writer or whatever).
Whenever I start living with / working with / dating someone I always make sure to warn them about "the zone". I've been known to completely tune out everything around me to the point that it takes someone waving their hands in front of my face to get my attention.
I try to tell people it's nothing personal, and I'm not consciously ignoring them, but I don't know if they believe me. The worst is when I realize 5 minutes later that someone was trying to get my attention and gave up.
I appreciate men who understand computers, use Macs (or, well, I'm platform agnostic but prefer !windows), know what twitter is, and will wait in line with me to get a new iPhone. :)
Oh wait this isn't digg. Up arrowed.
Does a single girl out there EXIST that could understand even a few of these items? Particularly the one about weekends?
I've scoured my campus and I have yet to find one.
If(oneExists) { letMeKnow(); } else { sigh++; }
That's funny.
Who codes on a Mac?
ps. Fluxbox is pretty too.
And even on your desktop, there are good reasons to have more control than Apple might allow you to have. Steve Yegge's focus follows mouse rant is a great one:
http://steve-yegge.blogspot.com/2008/04/settling-osx-focus-f...
... and finally, it's just cool, for anyone who really loves to hack, to get source code to everything.
Do many people still do systems programming? :/
I still have the code somewhere, if anyone's interested in doing some kind of deal.
Now I use a mac and use prefixed portage to manage all the unix apps I use.
There's also Fink, but for some reason I didn't like it when I first tried it (over 2 years ago).
"'tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
Sorry, I had to!
Is this version true too?
Serial entrepreneur, serial lover?
In each iteration one believes this is the final iteration that will last forever. If not, you're doing it wrong. How is that compatible with planning to iterate?