when i say there's no security model i mean there's no internal security model. you can impose network based security (restricting what nodes can connect to epmd/other nodes) or use the cookie based security (a bad idea) or you can even implement your own carrier that uses some other authentication (i believe there a few examples of this in the wild) but the default is that any node that can successfully make a connection has full priveleges
as for ETS, you can query any data structure with arbitrary functions. that's exactly what i mean when i say there's limited query capabilities. all you can really do is read the keys and values and pass them to functions
my experience and the experience of others is that elixir and erlang are not significantly more efficient than other languages and do not lead to a reduction in the total number of nodes you need to run. whatsapp is frequently cited as an example of "doing more with less" but it's compared to bloated and inefficient implementations of the same idea and not with other successful implementations. facebook certainly wasn't using thousands of mq brokers to power facebook chat. no one is replacing hundreds of activemq brokers with a small number of rabbitmq brokers
you can absolutely build stateless servers with erlang/elixir (and you should! stateless is just better for the way we deploy and operate modern networked services). my point is that many of the "advantages" of elixir/erlang are not applicable if you are delivering stateless services
when i said you could deliver erlang/elixir features in a weekend, i did not mean all of them. i meant specifically distribution and ets. you are right that the actor model, supervision trees and immutable copy-on-write data structures are all necessary for the full elixir/erlang experience. i generally like that experience and think it is a nice model for programs. i don't think however it is very applicable to writing http apis. java, rust, python, go, ruby and basically every other language are also great at delivering http apis and they don't have these same features