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Comment by closeparen | Hacker News Reader

This is one of those things that everyone “knows” but no one really gets until they experience it. In my case it’s the realization that the deadline to establish the relationships for this chapter of life passed in March. The social network may open up again in a few years, but my peer group is going to be a bunch of newlyweds and new parents by then.

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I am 27 with a lot of people around me already married or getting closer to getting married. Whereas I am probably not going to be at that place for maybe the next 5-7 years. I fear the next 5-7 years are going to be very lonely, maybe I will get another chance to socialize once I am married myself. But till then, maybe I'll have to contend myself with my own company.

The sad bit is that its only now that I have finally started to grasp social interactions. Lived a majority of my life in a very depressive state and only been able to get out of all that recently.

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You’ll be good - you’ve done the hard part :). Just reach out if you fall back into it!

Also, every interaction Is social - keep up the new skill when you shop, chat online, get gas, etc.

Most people like people (I know, I don’t get it either a lot of the time) so just keep putting yourself out there!

This one hits me hard, I'm in a very similar situation right now. After finally overcoming social anxiety to the point I could get out I was starting to finally build some connections, but now it pretty much seems hopeless.

By the time this is all over and society resumes I will be pretty far past the cutoff point for fixing my social life and still managing to be relatively "normal"

> I will be pretty far past the cutoff point for fixing my social life and still managing to be relatively "normal"

There's no cutoff for this, and don't let anyone else decide what's "normal" for you. Or barring that, don't let other people's perceptions of normal prevent you from doing what you need to in order to be happy.

People you want to form relationships with are going to have expectations of your experience, skill, and maturity levels that increase with age. You’re going to find fewer people willing to tolerate your adolescence at 45 than you will at 25. Beating yourself up over “normal” isn’t helpful, but this is a real problem.

I'm not discounting the challenges, just the idea of some arbitrary "cutoff" where relationships (romantic or otherwise) are no longer possible. Certain things might become harder as you get older, but there's never a cutoff (and some things might actually become easier).

(I originally responded with a different message that I deleted, since it looks like you edited your message in such a way that my original reply wasn't super applicable anymore.)

>By the time this is all over and society resumes I will be pretty far past the cutoff point for fixing my social life and still managing to be relatively "normal"

It's like anything else you want. Put the work in; enjoy the process; and don't get frustrated when progress isn't linear. The more you get in your head, the harder the work will seem, the less you'll enjoy it, and the further what you want will seem.

Eh, you're probably exaggerating. There's definitely a bunch of single people in the same position, and also a bunch of people stuck in dead-end relationships itching to get out. We will find a way to adapt. If anything, it's a business opportunity.

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