Ask HN: How do you manage your other half of life? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do you manage your other half of life?

13 pointstimetosleep15 comments

Started working in the field couple of years ago. I have trouble managing other aspects of life like socializing, hanging out with the family. Hell I even often get blamed for wearing the same types of outfit. How do you guys manage the other half of work? I just can't get enough time to complete my work.

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I guess everyone has a point in life they realise they are not in the same mental state they want to be in. Growing up with lot of issues in the family and financial trouble. I kind of dumped me into work head first and used that as a tool to distract myself from everything around me. No social life. No hanging out with the friends, family or co workers.

While I did good at work I was kind of viewed as the serious person whom you don't go to for small talk. On top of that added up more responsibility with our necessarily getting more benefits( since am not that fun person to hang out with or to be around) This put me in an eternal state of anxiety with every increasing load of work and my issues compounding.

It finally led to a burnout of massive level where I started hating my work and gave up reading or writing anything technical. I couldn't force myself to even write a small program. I constantly doubted myself. Kicked myself for all the small things and abused myself literally.

Then finally I came to terms and took a break. Accepted that work is just another part of the whole life. No one dies if I don't work for a day or fail to deliver the project. But, there are people in my life who get worried if I don't call them in a week. Its good to have the around and value them.

Again, don't have any practical solutions but you need to know the value of the things you are dealing with. You need to prioritise them at each level.

I'm in your situation couple times per year, when there's so much to do, that I basically work + sleep only. But imagine that's temporary and you'll get over it (e.g. you'll become better at your job, or make a significant progress with the difficult tasks you're assigned to currently - you name it).

If situation takes longer than you're actually able to manage it - maybe there's something wrong at your work part of life and maybe you should consider change?

Side note: This year I've decided to monitor my life a little bit, so I've decided to create notes at the end of each week ( https://lukaszkups.net/notes/?category=lkweekly ) which summaries all aspects about my professional (technology-oriented) and private (social, free time) life.

After 32 weeks, I can say, that not these notes are helpful by any mean, but the process when I sit down and start thinking about what happened last week (& trying to find suitable words to describe it).

I really recommend trying this by yourself, it might be a little refresh and gaining a new perspective to your life.

Hope you'll find a way to improve your life as well, take care!

Thank you for the suggestions. Oh, I guess I'll definitely try that out. I guess it will create some new insights. Nice website, I like it :)

thank you & I really hope you'll figure something out

I think of journaling as a log to debug myself and it has helped me out so well in finding out lot of physical health issues and mental states which I want to cultivate and avoid.

yes, exactly this. You can always read and re-think about the past and try to find better solutions for the future problems that has happened in the past.

I can't parse your question. You say you have troulbe socializing and hanging out with your family and I presume that this is called "the other half of life" as stated in your title. Yet, the next sentence you call it the "other half of work". Do you feel like it is work to do so? If so, then there lies your issue: according to your experience, it might be the case that both work and the socializing aspect of life feels draining.

I don't think I can help you here as my experiences are completely different. I simply manage by not letting work get to me and feeling the urge to call friends and be with them. With regards to family, I have the same issue, but c'est la vie.

Consider finding a coach, if you have issues with this.

Ohkay, I'll consider getting a coach.

>I have trouble managing other aspects of life like socializing

How so?

>hanging out with the family

What are you doing when not hanging out with the family?

>Hell I even often get blamed for wearing the same types of outfit

This isn't your problem at all it's someone else's.

>I just can't get enough time to complete my work.

Honestly, try cultivating Shamatha, which is meditative equipoise or calm abiding mind. Singled pointed concentration is relaxing and has the effect of increased mental stability over time. Check out this book on it [1].

[1] - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/64084.The_Attention_Revo...

> How do you guys manage the other half of work?

I'm guessing this is a typo.

Honestly speaking I don't manage it well. I go through spurts of either side, luckily alternating between social and work. There are weeks where I sort of disappear and even avoid my friends and loved ones. But either by design or by chance I get out of it only to fall on the other side of the wall. I have made my peace with this pattern, perhaps you can try this out? Now I am not saying when I am in my social manic phase I don't go to work but it is not a priority any more. No more trying things out because they sound fun, more coffee chats, say yes to less meetings, etc.

Well how much do you work? If your work + commute is >60 hrs a week well shit ain’t gonna work well unless you don’t sleep.

Well, don't have to commute much, fortunate enough to live nearby, end up staying late nights.

There is always more work to do, and your employer will take whatever you're willing to give.

Spend other half to complete your work

Poorly

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