tl;dr

Whenever someone tells you something, don't listen to their actual words, rather make up a story and apply it to them, respond to that instead.

Aso, if you do listen 'be like Kellyanne Conway' and disregard that as well and suggest something entirely different.

I don't have the strength to go on, but that is, and i don't say this lightly, one of the worst things i have read on an internet.