One assumes you already work 40 hrs/wk. People rarely hire for 2-3 hrs/wk for software devs. You have to do 10 hrs minimum in most cases.

That brings you up to 50 hrs/wk at least. Are you going to have the energy to share home and childcare work on top of that?

Honestly you can double your salary right now by leaving NYC. Your company isn't paying you NYC-adjusted wages anyway. I made (annualized) $80k as a summer intern there in college years ago. You should get more as a software dev with a degree.

Places like Nashville, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, and Research Triangle all have lower cost of living than NYC (you could pay the same rent and actually have a yard) and lots of software jobs if you don't want to go remote.

Remote jobs should become easier to find as well, in case you want to move somewhere that doesn't have a big tech presence.