Ask HN: Depression, Loss of Motivation, Feeling Lost. Please Help

See a mental health professional. I think lots of people see this as some sign of weakness or personality flaw; that you're "crazy" if you see a psychologist or psychiatrist. That's a bunch of bull#*$(. They are there to help you put things in perspective, in ways that might be difficult to discuss with your family or friends.

With that being said, not all mental health professionals are created equally. Put together a list of those in your area. Have a session with a few of them before deciding on one. This sounds like at the very least depression, and maybe there are other things in play as well. None of these things are a big deal if dealt with properly. If not, they can last for years and put you in a bad place. Don't let it get to that stage. Make the decision to fix it now and get some help. Feel free to contact me personally if you would like to discuss in more detail.

This is what I came here to say. OP, I've been in your shoes. In fact, I'm not entirely out of them. But talking to an unbiased third party, especially a professional who has experience helping people, is invaluable. I have had good luck finding (free!) help through my school - if your school or one in your area has a clinical psychology program, they will offer free counselling.

Talking to a doctor might also be a good idea, but if that is too big of a step for you right now just make an appointment with a shrink.

A couple of things:

1. I was in a similar state, and found out I had hyperthyroidism. Thyroid now removed, I'm much better, but there are many other such conditions that can be causing things that you might not have all the tools yourself to work out, so check with a doctor or your school's nurse at the very least.

2. Caffeine screws most people I know up. It's very fun and useful, and I don't recognize myself without it because I drank soda from a very early age, but this all could be contributing.

3. A lot of what you describe isn't too terribly bad, honestly, I mean, you need downtime, you are in college which is a hell of a lot of work.

4. The net makes you think you're terribly non-productive. Every single awesome throw-away link is some 10,000 man hours at the very least. I think we're all, in the tech world at least, trying to cope with this to varying degrees.

5. I highly recommend a counselor. Having a mostly unbiased third party is an amazing asset.

6. My big problem is not so much that I don't want to go out, just that I don't want to change what I'm doing, or I don't want to transition to the next thing. I highly recommend forcing yourself to get over that hump, and to go out and meet new people. Ask them questions. You'll hate it because they don't read the same feeds as you do, but you'll absolutely love it because if you hadn't done it, you would've never had had such a great time discovering what those people are all about. At the very least it is a great distraction, but often, people are a lot cooler than you may think.

Best of luck! You can do it!!!

Somewhat related to #1 is vitamin D deficiency. Don't fall in the trap of dismissing it because it's "just a vitamin" (which it actually isn't), because a severe deficiency will screw you up good. Pretty much everyone is deficient, but the severity varies. Geeks who spend most of their time indoors, staying late up at night working on stuff are more at risk. Don't assume that drinking a lot of fortified milk/whatever or living in a sunny climate makes you immune, because it doesn't.

At first a deficiency will just make you feel "off", but if left untreated it will make you feel as if you're slowly dying (not exaggerating) with muscle/bone/joint pain, fever, blurry vision, insomnia and brain fog. Depression and anxiety are secondary symptoms (how can you not become depressed with all this?), but still just symptoms, not a cause (in this case).

It's a simple test that could save you (anyone) a lot of grief, because you really do not want to let it go that far, and recovery takes a looooong time (months). You may have to insist (and do insist) on getting it checked, because most doctors won't by default. Most doctors also don't know how to interpret test results properly. <30 ng/mL is deficient, and ideally it should be 60-70.

Also worth considering is taking a B-complex vitamin. But first and foremost, talk to a doctor about it.

Thank you for posting this. I have a friend who is after a year or more finally getting sort of back to normal after a vitamin D deficiency.

You definitely sound depressed.

I like to think of happiness as something I'm either taking in or using up (like food). Starving people can't immediately eat large meals. I would think of your condition in the same way, except you're starving for energy/life/happiness. You can build it up though. Find a little bit at a time until you can use that to find more.

Find something (anything) that holds your interest. So you can try to build up interest to eventual happiness. It will probably require social interaction. It would be great if you could eventually talk about a passion you have with someone who shares it.

I'm an intellectual introvert and a social animal. But if I'm in my house for weeks learning stuff, I start to lose my social appetite (meaning I don't want to talk to or meet people). Forcing yourself to do things feels meaningless, but it isn't always. You can find enjoyable times on accident. It's not always possible to predict whether you'll have a good time, so you have to use your energy to at least try.

I gave this advice to a friend and it worked. She started taking photography classes and I helped her figure out why she was depressed (moved home, no job, fewer friends, etc). Good luck.

Upvoted, but not all depression has a cause. That is, some depression is situational: your situation sucks, so you become depressed. Other depression has no external cause. That is clinical depression, and in that case, I think people should seek professional help.

To the anonymous poster, most colleges have counseling centers that you have free access to. Make an appointment, please.

Yeah I was definitely not referring to any clinical definition. Anonymous seemed to describe it in an informal way so that's how I responded.

Pretty much everyone here has talked about stuff that could be wrong with you, and it is possible, but I want to offer an alternative explanation: you aren't being challenged enough. I was in school for two years and experienced a lot of the same stuff you did (I'm 21 now, I dropped out):

1) Was smart enough to glide through classes for my whole life, college not an exception

2) Started off having a lot of fun but got over the drinking and partying phase faster than my classmates, definitely felt lack of connection with my classmates

3) Thought a lot about whether or not I was actually depressed, especially because of the lack of connection w/ classmates. Tried a lot of stuff (diet, exercise, shrink etc.) Nothing quite seemed to do the trick (though the exercise helps a ton with daily stress but will not fix depression).

Although I obviously can't recommend it to everyone, I dropped out and started working. Now I had been freelancing and doing internships since I was about 15 so I had a solid shot at an entry level position at a startup. I can't tell you how much happier it made me.

You may not be able to just drop out, but I bet if you find an internship or something that involves you in the "real world" in a way that's somewhat meaningful to you (ie: not getting coffee) you'll get a lot more satisfaction out of life.

Remember you're young, you're not exactly supposed to have it all figured out yet. Even old people don't have life figured out yet, no one ever does. You also sound pretty introverted, and self reflective. This is a really great trait, but it can be crippling if you don't know how to manage it. You'll learn to know yourself and catch yourself repeating patterns.

It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you to me, but again I'm just a dog on the internet. My contact info is in my profile, feel free to email me if you'd like to chat sometime.

I was clinically depressed in college and you sound very much like me back then. You really need to see your college's medical center psychologist - most colleges have one. ASAP. Please.

I was a top student all through high school and first year of college and became utterly depressed to the point where I failed a class because I simply could not drag myself out of my dorm room to go to the final exam. That happened to be a real kick in the pants for me... to jolt me out of my state. And get me to a doctor.

Few things that may help - It is a phase, it will pass. But you need to be proactive and get moving. And get to a doctor - please. - Join a bunch of clubs or sports teams (if you're athletic) or volunteer. Sometimes going to class seems unbearable but having other activities, especially ones where you have a commitment to show up for your team helps. - Get a job - same as above. Accountability to others helps. - Take time off and travel. If you're doing fine in college and getting decent grades etc., and can afford to skip a semester - do it! College is the last time you will have a chance to do completely new things. And traveling doesnt have to cost a lot of money... esp if you're a college student and dont mind hostels. - And above all, PLEASE DONT DRINK or SMOKE POT. Both will make the situation MUCH worse.

I cant say I fully recovered but I am not at all the way I was in college. You will get out of it, but you need to act.

I got out of it too. However, smoking pot actually worked for me when SSRI's did not. I never go so far as to recommend it, as I have seen it destroy other peoples lives, but it is the only thing that let me 'turn my brain off', to get any relief from manic circular thoughts that were getting dangerous. I still smoke it every night, and no longer consider myself depressed.

definitely if you are manic depressive i can see how pot would help. but this kid doesnt sound manic at all - just completely depressed. and pot can be a huge depressive even for totally normal ppl...

You really should see a professional -- do it right away (why suffer further?) This may be a chemical thing you can't control. Or something else. Fixing it yourself could work, but it could not. Go to a doctor or mental health counselor first; they will be able to help or refer you to someone who can. It's really important -- it could be caused by many, many things, and a doctor/mental health professional will be able to help figure this out/eliminate other causes.

Please make an appointment with whatever you have available at your school today (all colleges should have these services).

BTW: You're extremely brave to reach out -- my hat's off to you! But don't stop here! Take the extra step to get the help you need -- you do deserve it.

Sleeping is good, getting a counselor is not bad either.

I've been through rough times in the last year myself. Since a couple of months I am back on track again (or so it seems) and I've come to realize that my situation was/is far from rare. I've met people all over the place (once I was able to talk about it) who have been through nearly exactly the same thing.

Do you feel a diffuse stress at times? Diffuse meaning that you're not able to pinpoint where the stress originates from but at the same time the stress feels familiar because you've had the exact same feeling before.

I know you will get through this. I did.

I became chronically depressed when I was 15. I was hospitalized between my first and second year of college.

What got me through it? Friends and a focus on school. Having a goal was huge, I also had a job that I HAD to go to.

Also don't be afraid of medication, for short-term it can help, used to stabilized so you can get your habits going that will organically help your depression.

At the end, even though I still suffer from it. I manage it. I finished college, did grad school. I am married, have a family and have been part of two successful ventures.

You will get through it!

While IANA mental health professional by any means, reading your post you sound more bored than depressed. Getting through your college work with little effort and maturing beyond your peer groups typical socialising will contribute heavily to regular boredom. You are also at a point where lots of people are at a loss for what to do with their lives.

I certainly can't offer any concrete advice, people close to you and professionals you may have access to at college can. Take advantage of what they can do for you.

I don't claim to have the answers; I do claim to have empathy. What you're describing isn't far off what I lived through around your age, though you sound like you're managing better academically with it than I did. Well done for that.

For me, exercise helps but isn't a panacaea. Proper sleep helps but too much sleep can be a symptom of depression I understand. I've had a tendency to almost obsessively research things sometiems in that position, close myself off in that pursuit then look back later and realise it's been an excuse to shut off. The people around you, odds on, care more about you and your health and happiness than you think. More of them have suffered or will suffer something like you are now than you might expect.

What little wisdom I do have in this area says to try and stay in touch with some degree of 'normal' life in the outside world. Forcing yourself into too much risks burnout which is no more helpful, but managing at least some leiure (i.e. outside classes) outside world interaction will, I suspect, help you. Most people are fundamentally nice and helpful IME, frankly,

(One little thing, you say you have no connection with your peers any more and seem to feel you've moved on beyond the pursuits that seem to interest them. For most of my life the vast bulk of my friends have been older than me; they're just who I tend to find interesting. Later stages of undergraduate education aren't conducive to significant friendships with older people than yourself though. You may find you benefit from trying to reach out into new social avenues outside education eo engage with peers at a different point in their lives than where you currently are yourself.)

Go see an MD and/or psychologist soon. Soon, as in pick up the phone or walk down the street and schedule it now and see someone this week. Its great you have reached out to a forum where there are people whose advice you seem to respect. As I read through the other comments, almost everyone agrees you need to see a doctor. Don't hold back, tell them what you've said here. This is nothing to be ashamed of.

I was in exactly the same situation as you. You sound depressed. Get medication, consider therapy. Once you feel better in yourself, search for a purpose beyond school. Try different things to feel better and find what you really want to do.

Looking back, I realised I thought I was only good to be a student. Really, what I wanted was a real purpose and real problems to solve.

Your situation may well be completely different, of course.

Nil desperandum!

There are already great suggestions here I think, and I also echo the medical route if you think it's appropriate. I want to add another possibility, because with a broad enough range of options you might find something quite effective.

It occurs to me you may be under challenged. It seems your academic life comes easy enough for you to simply go through the motions, allowing for listlessness to set in. To remedy that I'd find some challenge to take you out of your comfort zone like a marathon, for example, or trying to master something such as a game/sport or new skill. Done correctly, you won't really have time to stare at a screen for 30 minutes. Find something constructive that interests you. If it's something that scares you (because you may fail) even better. It may just be that you're in a rut and need to be shaken out of it. One thing is for sure: you can't regularly challenge yourself to scary things outside your comfort zone, succeed in such enterprises and remain depressed all the while. At least I sincerely doubt it.

Good luck!

Sounds like you're burnt out. A form of depression (well to me). I've had it many times due to heavy/obsessive work towards something, eg a school assignment from start to due date and from morning to late only to get a B mark was a bit insulting. Anyhow, for each burn out, I could not simply get over it. I know it's temporary but can't break out of it sooner than later.

However, recently as of last year, I've started doing exercise every day, a consistent sleep pattern and my diet is pretty healthy. As for social links, I joined a Volleyball club. Despite being deaf, I get game challenges, exercise and a chance to chat a bit. Helps reduce the chance of burnout, or at least I feel fit.

If you're not feeling very motivated, do something that normally motivates you for a bit. Do you like the movies? Put in a movie, like Amelie for example. You are unlikely to laugh but it's a change of pace. Maybe play Starcraft 2?

Hope you recover soon.

Struggling with OCD and depression myself, it can be very difficult to do anything, socializing, hobbies etc. There is some really good advice on here though.

Definitely consider talking to someone. A close friend, family even. I'd really suggest trying to find a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist though. It might take some time to find one that you feel comfortable with, don't give up. I'm still looking.

I hadn't thought of suggesting this, but I have been having a problem with this myself, and that is entagld's comment(1st right now) - "It would be great if you could eventually talk about a passion you have with someone who shares it." I'd even extend that to working on a project that you are passionate about with someone. You would be surprised how much of a difference this can make.

I really hope you can find some direction or help from the comments here. Good luck.

Some thoughts from personal experience:

- Stop thinking.

- Take a blank sheet of paper.

- Write 1 simple task at the top, e.g. do the laundry.

- Do not write any more tasks.

- Put the paper somewhere in your face.

- Complete said task. Force yourself to do so.

- No interruptions, get it done.

- Cross off the task.

Congratulations, you've set a goal and achieved it. Trivial, but it's progress. You are now allowed to turn the brain back on and think. Momentum is good. Breathe deep! I noticed that at extreme low points I damn near stop. Perhaps this is why exercise is recommended so much, to help you move and breathe again.

Mentally I've found two things help:

- Knowing that there is a way forward out of this mess. May require outside help and support to convince you of this.

- Simplifying and focusing on one small thing at a time. There are very few things in life that really must be done right now, some will have to wait and until there is space there's no point stressing about them.

If you have understanding friends or family, TALK.

Flip this 180: "I have been holed up by my self pretty much" I've realized the more social I am the happier and healthier I am. And I do not suggest virtual social methods - I mean face to face, close friends, casual acquaintances, and strangers.

Go to a doctor, have one/several check you for depression.

Sounds like pretty typical depression.

The fact that you recognise your predicament, and are asking for help is a strong indicator that you will get better quickly.

I tried pretending to my friends and family that I was more or less ok. I think I must have been pretty good at it too, as no one ever suggested to me that I might have been depressed until I got to the point of having a scary psychotic episode.

I got better within months after accepting my condition and learning how to manage it.

As almost everyone else has stated, depression is totally managable if you seek professional help.

Sometimes with medication and sometimes simply with therapy and lifestyle changes.

When I was in a similar point in my life, I found it best to create something. Creation for me helped to build a motivation and a sense of pride. Be it a webpage that you have been thinking about building, a model car, a wood project, just something that you can see progress on and you can have a passion for.

See if there is a club that you can join at your college; sailing, woodworking, fencing, pottery, etc... These have also helped me to find a motivation and a sense of accomplishment, plus they tend to push you to learn and grow your skills.

I've been feeling the same way myself the past couple of days. Not sure if it's due to the weather and all the rain recently. But I've been feeling burnt out myself. I don't have any solutions at the moment, except I think on Friday I'm going to take a personal day off (1st time this year) and stay away from the computer and go out of the city and just hang around. Maybe the change of scenery might do me some good.

As for you - sorry no advice but maybe go somewhere you haven't gone before yet preferably outdoors. Good luck!

see a doctor and before you go on meds see a couple

Expanding a bit on this: you're in college so you have a full health plan sitting right there. Use it! Go to a regular doctor to see if there's anything bio going on with you, then get a referral for having the blues after that. You want to make sure it's not some internal thing causing you to go Old Dog and curl up and die under the house. Could be a lot of things, but know that at college age they are all very common.

I could tell you the same advice others have given you here, or those you already looked up: Get a hobby like reading, Exercise everyday, go see a doctor etc. All those things work. But do you have someone to talk to, other than over an anonymous post on HN?

I dont know what use I could be of, but I can lend a ear anytime you need one. Or maybe help talk stuff over. If you feel you need that, email me cherian-dot-abraham-at-gmail-dot-com.

Instead of just advice, I thought giving you that was maybe a bit more helpful.

I think it's much more common than what you may think.

I've passed through a similar phase when I was at the university long ago, too much partying, alcohol and lots of junk food. Drink water and try to exercise and achieve small goals (say, add two or five more minutes of running for session each week) and involve in another type of activities to give you some relief from stress without trashing your body.

Also, talk to other people/real friends about how you feel or seek counseling.

Another tactic for getting yourself out of a rut is to just try something new. The more different to your current activities the better. Something physical that involves other people is a good bet, but anything that strikes you as interesting is good. As a student you probably have access to loads of clubs/societies that do all kinds of odd activities, take advantage of this.

Also, +1 to all the comments suggesting you see a doctor/counselor.

> I have been holed up by my self pretty much, and well I don't seem to understand what is wrong with me / what i need to do to fix this ? is this just a phase of life ?

I'm going to say something a little different than others here. There's nothing wrong with you. This is just a phase and it too will pass. Thinking that there is something wrong with you or that you need to fix something may just make things worse.

Not sure this will help, but here are my two cents:

1. Are you a Celiac? http://www.celiac.com/

2. Advice I received from a Taxi Driver -- "If you're having a bad day, walk away." He referred to his 'bad days' as those when he didn't make money, but his advice struck a cord with me: If you cannot do anything about it, walk away and try again another day.

"I have hardly put any effort into anything that I have been doing/done."

Do you know why? Has the work seemed meaningless, boring, overwhelming, etc.?

"I am unable to concentrate"

All the time or only during specific activities?

"I can't seem to find motivation to do work"

Do you have any motivation for non-work activities?

"and though I did have that phase, I can't stand that anymore."

Why can't you stand it anymore?

"I don't seem to understand what is wrong with me"

I know what that feels like. It's frustrating.

If you're sure it's not medical related force yourself to go out and talk to someone. Anyone. About anything. I'm a college student too, so if you want to talk, email me at yadavh@umich.edu and we can set some time to just shoot the shit. Yeah you don't know me, but maybe you've still got a little spontaneity in you.

Television and computers fool our brain into thinking that it is active, but give it none of the rewards of actually taking action and either failing or succeeding.

Boycott television and don't use the computer or iPod for a day. Do what you feel like doing, as long as you are actually doing something, not simply consuming media.

I had a similar experience when I was in school. I ended up going on prozac for a few months, and it made all the difference in the world. As others have suggested, make an appointment with a psychiatrist and see what they can offer you. It doesn't necessarily have to be pharmaceutical in nature.

In addition to all the great advice here, I would suggest you learn Meditation and practice it everyday, it will take just 20 minutes. While I don't guarantee anything in the short run, you will see benefits in the long run with regards to issues of this nature.

Assuming there's no organic cause, why not try looking at self-help books? I found the following useful:

http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living...

Sorry about how you are feeling. Was a bit depressed when I was quite alone in the UK.

I felt really better when I called home, achieved a little success or just took a break.

Are you at/near home? If not, visit home and some childhood friends.

Visit the hospital and you will see how lucky you are to be healthy,

I believe depression is just a state of mind and you are in control.

Just kow that life is generally not supposed to be serious.

I hope you feel better soon.

Depression is not a state of mind. That's not what depression is.

I'm simply amazed by the fact that so many here seem to have gone through a similar phase in their life. Of course I want to be of some help, too.

Maybe it's helpful to explain a little bit why so many people here advise you to see a professional therapist. Apart from your "symptoms", that sound familiar to everyone who went through a depressive phase, a good therapist can check you through to narrow down what kind of mindset lead to your current state and what's holding you back from getting better. No matter how smart somebody is or how complex he's thinking, we're all cramped inside our own little world of interpretation and assumption, which is majorly based on our past experience and current environment. Sometimes it's incredibly helpful when someone slightly lifts up our glasses to show us a glimpse of the world outside this tiny scope. To put things into a broader perspective.

For example, your current lack of motivation and concentration could have various causes. No one here, and often even people who know you very good, can tell you what's behind it. A therapist also can't do this, but he or she is able to find the cause together with you through (a lot) of interviews. Maybe it's not even required to get any medication at all – but deciding this should be done by an expert in this field.

From what you've written it sounds to me, that you don't have a valid and healthful yardstick to measure yourself against. A lot of people don't. We tend to always look to what lies in front of us and forget about what lies behind. The internet isn't helpful here either, as it appears that no matter how much effort we put into something, there is always something we don't know, always people way better than us. This might even be true, but it's not healthy to measure yourself against that. To be confident in your own abilities is very important. We need to take a break sometimes (better regularly) and discover all the new things we learned and achieved. Maybe you feel like everything just played into your hands and you didn't do much work to get where you are now. That can lead you to the assumption that you're just lucky and everyone expects you to succeed in everything easily – but you fear that you fail every minute. This feeling can develop further into a form of anxiety where you're unable to start something because you "know" that you (might) fail and so you don't even start. Maybe you're unable to deal with your fast maturity, leaving you unable to communicate properly with people below or above your mature-level.

But it also could be something totally different, which is why we all here encourage you to visit a professional.

I hope I helped you or someone in a similar situation. If you feel like it, just respond honestly to someone here. I wish you all the best and hope you become clear about your situation quickly.

I went through the same thing. The best advice I can give you now is to go chiropractor that specializes in many different types of medicines. DO NOT go to a regular MD - they will not help you any.

Depression is a symptom, and can be caused by a variety of factors. You need someone who is unbiased and well educated, and a well-rounded chiropractor is a great starting point.

Nutritional Deficiencies Toxicity Malfunctioning (thyroid, adrenal)

these are all major possible contributing factors that need to be checked.

You can email me at anony304@gmail.com and I'll help you try to figure out the root. Detail in your symptoms helps too (e.g. do you get dizzy when you stand up, are you lethargic, digestive irregularities, etc).

Actually I think I could probably help you or at least narrow the root problem if you emailed me. It's a long dark road when you feel overwhelmed by information.

I've seen so many doctors that did nothing to help me - not for any other reason but the fact that they were uninformed, or biased. Read so many books about depression cures that were curing a root that was different from mine. In that time I'm learned a lot about medicine and what's important. If I could pass that knowledge on to someone else I'd be happy to do it.

Good advice.

And after you're done with the chiropractor, check in with an acupuncturist, a touch therapist, a reflexologist, and a holistic bowel cleansing expert.

Do NOT do this until you've had your fortune told by a Tarot card reader, though! It's also advisable that you do not begin homeopathic treatment until Venus is aligned with Scorpio in transit to Pisces.

Depression is something that can only be cured if you detoxify your aura, so be sure to begin a daily pineapple-juice fasting regimen before emailing the undoubtedly medically qualified bpourriahi for the kind of life-saving diagnosis that Evil Corporate Big Medicine doesn't want you to know!

tl;dr: You are not a medical professional. Stop giving mystical new age quack advice to a person who could quite possibly have a real disorder.