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Comment by codingdave | Hacker News Reader

I started a job and within the first 2 days saw a red flag with the CEO. I should have listened to my gut and walked right back out of that job. I spent years in a job I should never have started because the CEO had an odd mix of compassion and abusiveness that kept me on the fence for years, and I'm just recently realizing exactly how damaging that job was both personally and professionally.

If you have a bad feeling about a job shortly after you start, trust your gut and go.

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I would love to hear some of those behaviors. I recently changed job and I am having such a bad experience, which could be easily summarized with my boss being “abusive and occasionally compassionate”.

It is so deeply confusing, to the point where I think this person might have a personality disorder, and I am wondering if I should quit.

He is very influential and established in the organization, so leaving would be my only recourse. I can see how staying in this situation a long time could semi-permanently damage my view of leadership and trust...

The red flags I saw were are the exact red flags you'll see written up if you google "How to tell if someone is a sociopath". I'm not going to dissect the specifics of the person I worked with beyond that vague guidance because HN isn't the place where I'm comfortable having that discussion.

But I can tell you that yes, I would quit. I should have quit years before I did, and although it has worked out OK for me the last couple years, in many ways I deeply regret the years I spent living in that kind of scenario. The short-term hit you take by leaving a job is worth the trouble when you find a place to work that truly is a positive and healthy environment.

This sounds so obvious in hindsight but yeah, I really needed to google that, thanks for the suggestion. My boss exactly matches those behaviors, almost verbatim. Sucks to be me right now! I’ll have to repay signon bonus and relocation, but might be worth it at this point...

This was my experience fresh out of college and job seeking in the middle of a decent sized US recession. First boss was a functional alcoholic and psychopath who toyed with people for sport. Also exiting his 2nd marriage and on the way to burn through his 3rd. I stayed too long (6 years), realizing 1/2 way through it was him, not me. It took me another few years to find a "face saving" exit. Horrible time and time wasted. Get out asap whatever the costs.

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