How Gymnastics Taught Me to Man Up, Get Tough and Crush Fear
jasonshen.com
jasonshen.com
What did this for me was Panic Disorder-- not the mild anxiety attacks people get after 6 cups of coffee, but real panic attacks that throw bizarre and terrifying symptoms that cause a singular sense of impending doom. Attacks don't last long but they can mimic (in no particular order) stroke, MS onset, heart attack, bad trip/drug flashback, vertigo, and cancer symptoms. (Note: if you have any anxiety disorder, don't watch House.) It's like your body and brain start trolling the shit out of your mind. Developing it was horrible and cost me my job and my girlfriend-- but I had a really great job and girlfriend a year or so later. On the whole, my life is better than when it started.
I don't mean to trivialize PD. Some people crumble when they develop it and become shut-ins. All mental illnesses are terrifying and awful. I was lucky enough to have the resources (access to some good doctors, great yoga teachers, and effective treatments-- a mix of self-directed meditation, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and medication) to make the problem 1-5% as severe as what it was when I started. And now I'm actually glad to have had the experience because (a) it led me to make some very positive lifestyle changes, such as my conversion to Buddhism, and (b) it has made me less anxious/fearful overall. The fear that people get when dealing with difficult people? That's nothing. No, seriously. It's nothing. If I can go from sheer terror to calmness in four minutes and be fine, I can deal with difficult social situations, as they say on Reddit, "like a boss". Panic disorder makes it pretty much impossible for someone to terrify me to even 1/1000 of the worst extent I've experienced.
That said, I wouldn't advise PD if it were elective. Panic attacks are harmless but hellish, and having intense negative experiences is generally considered harmful. Also, the first year is the worst and will generally be spent on drugs that can take the edge off one's creativity. Still, I came out of it a better person. I got extraordinarily lucky in terms of the people and resources I had around me, as well as the relative maturity I had due to the late age (24) of its onset.
"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" is sometimes, but not always, true. It was true for me, but (a) I was luckier than some people, and (b) it took a while before I was "strong" again.
Cognitive-behavior therapy is a lot more intensive than, say, reading a self-help book or two. That said, there are some quacks out there, so if you have any reservations, get a new one. And don't try any approach that makes you feel uncomfortable; some of the "new age" shit is bizarre, untested, and flat-out doesn't work. That said, don't fire a therapist if the results aren't immediate. It really takes time and there are no shortcuts. (Try meditation; it takes years to develop skill.) Just to develop basic rapport with a therapist is 6 months.
What really helped me was learning that what is now labeled as 'panic disorder', used to be called 'hyperventilation syndrome'.
Cutting some corners here b/c lack of time:
Chronic Hyperventilation is very often connected to panic disorder. Breathing too much causes some chemical changes in your blood and the rest of the body, including changing thresholds in your nervous system which makes things more easily excitable, changes the way electrical signals are working in the body, etc..
During a period of stress, you can be breathing faster then you used to, lowering the amount of C02 in your body. If this period is long enough, your breathing center can be retraining itself so that this 'lower amount' becomes the 'new normal'. This might keep one hyperventilating, even after the original stressor(s) is/are gone!
When dealing with many complaints (lack of energy and focus, very tired, panic, anxiety, stress, body odors, heart palpitations/pounding, headaches, cold limbs, pressure on chest, gasping for air/yawning, bouts of agoraphobia and dozens of unpleasant other things) while all blood tests like thyroid, blood sugar etc came back "Ok", my GP suggested possible hyperventilation.
Well, I was breathing about 15 times/min. at the moment.. which is pretty much in the 'normal' region as mentioned on Wikipedia (not that this is THE source for medical advice, but I guess the point is clear)
Later I discovered that I was sometimes breathing 20-25 times/min. at rest.. but not always.. and later that day I stumbled upon a book in a store which mentioned that "at rest, breathing about 6-8 times/min. is enough"
Ok, 15-16 vs 20 can be a counting error... 20-25 vs 6..well, there's something odd there.
Took me some months to 'retrain' my breathing and well on my way to recovering; currently breathing about 8-12 times/min. at rest. And I'm not using heavy ANY medicines prescribed by the GP. Have only used some very mild tranquilizing stuff, think natural Valerian based stuff used e.g. by students for exams.
Very useful for me was the 'Control pause test' of the 'Buteyko approach:
http://www.normalbreathing.com/index-measure-CP.php
Check and compare e.g. these two
http://www.normalbreathing.com/index-CP-normals.php http://www.normalbreathing.com/index-CP-sick-complete.php
"Take a good deep breath and relax" might sometimes work very well.. but don't do it too often. ;)
DISCLAIMER:
I apologize to all medical professionals and students for cutting some serious corners.
What you are reading in this message might actually be wrong. Do your own due diligence and always discuss things with your doctor/GP/specialist. Especially if you're also suffering from lung- and/or heart problems.
But I do hope that some people are helped by this message. :)
- I also learned that I was frequently hyperventilating in my sleep. My girlfriend noticed it a few times when she couldn't sleep. This very well explained why I woke up more tired than how I went to bed, frequently unable to find the energy to e.g.turn my pillow around.
- I also read the paraphrased quote somewhere that:
"Breathing 20-25 times/min. is what you do when you're cycling with 15-25KM/h. No body in the world is strong enough to do that 24/7, day after day, month after month"