Why do Russians smile so little (and Americans so much?)
english.pravda.ru
english.pravda.ru
Compare that to the US, where a coffee shop like Dunkin' handles like a thousand people every day during rush hour and people still mechanically say, "Hi, How are you doing? What can I get for you today?" and it's inevitably met with "Good, how are you? and I'll get x, y, z..".
I'll admit to finding that transaction incredibly dishonest when I came here first, to the point that I was actually complaining about it to people. I mean, does the person at the counter really care as to how I was doing? I'm used to it now, it's almost become an instinct, but still cringe a bit when I catch myself doing it involuntarily.
Old habits, etc. I guess.
I used to look forward to my favorite clients; it's like stones in a puddle, you jump from one to the next to get to where you're going. Same with good people, they help you go through the day. So start the day positively, greet everyone cheerfully, serve loyally and enjoy yourself; the 8 hours pass QUICKLY.
To me this is the optimal point between being sincere and being socially cordial with a stranger, especially one whose shop you have just entered to do business.
When you've heard it from 50 cashiers over a week and 99% of them were perfunctory "I have to say these words in case a secret shopper marks me down" efforts, you can get a little cynical.
I appreciate genuine feeling in those short exchanges. If someone can't be genuine, I wish they wouldn't bother saying the words.
Cashier: Hello. Where is your dog?
Shopper: My dog is on the moon.
Cashier: The gravy orb hovers once again over London.
Shopper: I wish to purchase a kilogram of ground beef.
Cashier: As it is spoken, so let it be.
This conversation has clear falsehoods in it, but nobody expects them to be true, nobody is deceived, and the dishonesty is paper-thin. (Also, writing that dialogue was a lot of fun.)
Then again, maybe it is cultural, I'm from the southern US. Being open and friendly just seems like a better way to spend life.
My theory has always been that it has something to do with the generally well armed/violent nature of the South combined with its sometimes sparse population and resources. You're not likely to meet a ton of new people, some are going to be jumpy/dangerous around you as a new person, and resources (cultural, financial) are so tough to find information about, that it's both important and cheap to spend an extra minute on everybody.
Of course, that's going to be different throughout the South. The protocol is so tight in the sleepy little satellite hamlet/country road (of a slightly less sleepy hamlet) where my grandparents live that you're pretty much expected to wave and smile at every car that passes by, and if you're passing by people who are outdoors when you're driving by, you're expected to wave and smile back. This is not because you all know each other, just how people act there.
Legend has it that the military salute originated as a raising of visors on knights' helmets, both for identification and to signal non-hostile intent.
Why not?
Why is it so remarkable that strangers can care about one another?
I go out of my way to smile and treat people warmly. I value other people, it spreads good emotions, it makes me happy, and yes I do care. If a Starbucks barista responded to my question, "How are you?" by saying he's doing poorly I would be happy to listen to his story and offer myself in some kind of emotional-service capacity.
Cynical people always assume no one else cares about them despite evidence to the contrary. In my opinion this is the "false consensus bias" at work. You assume others are like you, and since you don't care about others, you assume they must not care about you. This is certainly not true in many parts of the world. People do care.
I've actually walked into an enterprise (the car rental company) and found one of their cards lying around that details how to start a conversation with a customer.
It goes along the lines of:
<Enthusiastic Greeting> <Enquire about abc / def / ghi>
and some more non-sense like that that I forget.
Plus, you can judge by someone's tone if they really are being honest or if it's just that they've been doing it so many times, it's become fairly mechanical. In cases like that I think a simple 'Hi', works much better anyway.
But the the thing I was going for with that post was, cultural differences can sometimes throw you off quite a bit, like the original article says.
It is a genuine struggle for any organization be it small or big is to make your customer facing people greet customers cheerfully. And I think it is never enough to drive home this point and if having a card helps, so be it.
What matters to me as a customer, is somebody cheerful attending to my request at that moment and not someone who just wants to get you out of the way and do something better.
The issue with this is that the relationship is one sided. You cannot be negative to customers as an employee in a professional setting, that is a big no-no as far as customer service goes. Most customer service people have it pounded into them to "leave home life, at home", while inviting on any negativity that "how are you doing" may bring from the customer. You are also under time constraints which you and the customer are usually aware of. If someone really wants to go into the terribly surgery they're recovering from or that they lost their job the other day, you have to cut them short to move on to other customers. No one wants to hear the lonely old mans stories while he holds up the entire line. You will get dinged as an employee for not servicing enough customers if you let this get out of hand.
Additionally "how are you doing?" rarely will get a completely honest answer. It is a ritual for most people. People don't go into the deep personal crises they're having with a barista, cashier or bank teller. Nor does the company they work for really care. You personally may have compassion for the person but even if you heard the actual tragedy in someones life(which some people do go into), you have very little power to affect the situation. I guess you can say "well hope that works out for you", but that doesn't really solve the problem. Worse is when the company you work for is at fault for the problem & the company wants to wash their hands of it while putting all the pressure on you to "smooth things over" with the customer.
I think it's nice to try and be positive, but I also like to be realistic. My beef usually is more with companies who really don't give a shit about the customer, but burden their employees to represent the business as though it really does, meanwhile usually treating the employee like crap as well.
Contrast to the older English "how do you do" pairing, which is so much a non-question that it doesn't even deserve a question mark.
In my small town, I'd venture that most how-are-you questions are genuine.
The first time I went back, I remember getting on the Aeroflot plane, and finding out a blanket was missing (on an 8 hour flight, a necessity). I called the stewardess over and said, with an ear-to-ear American smile "Hi, it looks like I don't have a blanket, could you please get me one?"
She gave me a nasty look, and said "No". Then she turned around and walked away.
And that's when I realized I'm back home already.
On the other hand, by defining the default behavior as "smile", if somebody looks unhappy, you can actually tell that something is wrong. When the default expression is "gloom", it's impossible to separate "default gloom" from "actually unhappy."
Even polite smiles are still polite and show concern for the emotions of the other.
When Russians glower at me and talk in their cynical, biting tone I feel as if they don't care about me or my feelings and aren't interested in a positive emotional exchange.
Russians suck all the life out of rooms with their frowns and sarcasm.
But it's also important to note that this is an expectation of your culture — it's not as obvious to me that smiling all the time is necessarily a "happiness" thing. Surely you must be aware of the stereotypes that are held by other cultures of Americans?
The fact that you see Russians as people who suck the life out of the room, just suggests to me that you are projecting your expectations of societal norms on other societies — where they don't necessarily fit.
Reading & listening beyond the obvious expression may be more valuable than just taking it at "face value".
That said, the smile is probably more useful as a default than a glower or frown. At least it does seem to present a willingness to open dialog. People are more likely to approach someone who is smiling at them, than someone who is sending them an icy look.
Most people live very shallow, materialistic, egotistical, narcissistic lives. They also smile to seem happy, friendly, and desirable. It does not represent the real person inside.
Take what you have written: it's judgmental, borderline racist, and narcissistic.
There is little chance that you are truly enjoying life, except in the typical / selfish ways (I'm not that much different).
No one can "suck all the life out of a room." If their behavior affects you in such a way, it is only so because you require / desire perceived positivity from the rest of the world. It's like a drug / an opiate that keeps you from screaming inside.
Also, in a topic like this where we're examining differences between cultures, it's pretty implicit that we're speaking generally. If that's racist, any cultural examination is racist.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=smile-it-co...
Your body sends out the same endorphins when fake laughing or laughing for real. You are right that there is a decent amount of research showing this.
What happened to neutral? Isn't it a false dichotomy to presuppose that you can only have one or the other.
... Gorbachev's success in the West is based on the fact that he became the first Soviet leader who smiled to people in public. Many [Americans] perceived [Gorbachev] as a person who was open to communication and therefore not dangerous.
So how exactly does a smile in America "not mean anything really" when it allows Americans to distinguish people in their society who are open to communication from those who aren't? That's a very clear social function, full of meaning if you ask me.
TL;DR: in American society, smile serves two functions: (1) to express emotion of happiness/satisfaction, (2) to signify that one is "open to communication, while in Russian society the role of smile is exclusively tied to (1). Failure to perceive the dual-purpose role of smile can lead a Russian to conclude that smile has no function at all in American society (not "meaningful"). Similarly, failure to perceive the singular role of smile in Russian society, can lead an American to incorrectly conclude that all Russians are "closed to communication."
This is much like how midwestern and southern visitors perceive northeastern cities in the US. Although I've found strangers in Boston perfectly accommodating, they tend to be rather less ebullient about it than elsewhere in the US.
Well, this is all anecdotal, so these are my observations as a Soviet-born, Israeli-raised, now-American.
He told me once that the biggest difference he saw so far between Russians and American's is that if you ask an average Russian if they can do something, they'll say something like "Probably not, but I'll do my best.", whereas if you ask an average American, they'll say "Absolutely, I'm great at this." irrespective of their actual abilities.
That's a pretty broad generalization, but I think there's definitely a cultural difference between a more cynical Russian culture and a more optimistic American one.
People believe when you can do "Anything" because that idea of empowerment is ingrained here. Somebody who questions their own skill isn't good because they don't believe it.
I'm a Hoosier, and I see it here all the time. You have to look like that it's not a problem whatsoever. Admitting ignorance on part of a given topic is seen as sheer stupidity.
It's like a job position that I interviewed for. The District manager asked a weird situational question. I don't remember the particulars, but it was something that was pretty much 0% chance of happening. I said that I would not have a clue how to handle it on paper, but I would know if it actually occurred. Their response was that "It was not the answer we were looking for".
It changes slightly now with younger people and wealth but still after comming back to Poland after few months in Italy I was amazed how gray it was here. How washed up were colours of peoples clothes and how they matched their facial expressions. Being in public space in Poland seems to be about blending into neutral grayness not broadcasting yourself into the public space in best possible light. Probably we inherited this from years of communism when being noticed could get you in trouble and from years of transition to capitalism when displaing your well being could get you robbed.
* A lot of business in Eastern Europe have recently learned the value of good customer service. Many employers require that their workers smile _and_ behave politely. When there is a choice between 2 grocery stores, I noticed my mother, would rather pay a little more and go further to the store where they are polite and smile rather than the one were they frown and throw the change back at you without even making eye contact.
* A lot of the perception of "gloomy" Soviet people come from pictures people see. I lived half of my life here and half in ex-Soviet Union. Even when I show pictures of our family having fun (usually a picnic in the woods, making kabobs, playing badminton) Americans are surprised and ask "How come nobody is smiling? is it because life was so hard for you?" -- now that question always makes me smile (pun intended). They see us together obviously having fun, but because we don't smile at the camera, they assume we were suffering.
* I think there is often a confusion between "smiling" and "acting politely". Both are orthogonal. I think a forced smiling is a little disturbing, as it can be detected as such. However, I would rather take a polite and courteous attitude rather than smiling.
* As others pointed out, smiling actually ends up affecting the mood and makes the person feel and act happier. So in this case a force smile ends up becoming a genuine smile.
* In some cultures (Asian I think, anyone have a reference? ) laughter and smiling can be a sign of fear. I remember hearing about groups of civilians being slaughtered because they responded with laughter at their captors (Western soldiers). That laugher was perceived as mockery which enraged the soldiers. So it seems there are multiple interpretations for smiling depending on the cultural background.
I remember Australians were outraged when one of the Bali bombers was shown in court laughing and smiling as the charges were read out. Later, various commentators said that, for Javanese, smiling in public didn't necessarily mean someone was happy or joyous, but was nervous or stressed.
I don't know how widespread that is in the rest of Asia, though.
As one who is a perpetually happy and upbeat person, I found it remarkably hard to follow this admonition.
[i]Just put that monster smile on them rosy cheeks 'Cause the Greeks don't want no freaks [/i]
> Resist complaining about being downmodded. It never does any good, and it makes boring reading.
Now, everyone says hello, thanks even smiles sometimes.
It is much more pleasant and appears natural. And I guess people have learned that manners sell.
The article is well-balanced except for this. In Russia, a smile is not frowned upon, as this may imply, it's just not on by default. Being a Russian, I just don't feel obliged to keep a smile on my face for politeness or whatever, but it doesn't mean that it's harder to break the ice with me than with anyone else.
"Multiple regression revealed r_=.135 for ‘Q20 The crew gives real, friendly smiles’. This may indicate that whilst real, friendly smiles contribute to an overall positive perception of ‘Expressive Display’ they have a small, direct influence on overall satisfaction...
The findings have shown that it is possible to quantify the effects of 'real' smiles on service satisfaction, even though, in this case is, it is rather small. There is a strong relationship between 'real' smiles and the perception of genuine care for the consumer."
-Measuring the Value of a 'Real' Smile in Service Providers’ Expressive Display: Evidence from the Airline Industry
- In Russia when they ask: "how are you" they actually expect a genuine and extended answer.
- Smiles are scarce and reserved for inner social circle only.
- Men act toward any strangers as if they expected to be assaulted at any moment.
- Everyone and especially women dress up most of the time.
- When paying for goods or services change is never given straight into the palm of your hand, it's always placed into a little plate or stand instead. As if the seller is scared of any bodily contact.
- Once the communication barriers are broken and you enter the inner social circle Russian hospitality is genuine and exceeds by far any Western standards.
Somewhat related, the late cartoonist Callahan had a classic called "The Difference Between New York and LA". In one panel, labeled LA, was a guy saying "Have a nice day" and thinking "Fuck you." In the opposite panel, labeled New York, was a guy saying "Fuck you" and thinking "Have a nice day".
Indeed, east europeans will mostly have a 'neutral' facial expression which is interpreted by most westerners as a frown. It's not a frown, it's just neutral.
East europeans will smile for a good reason and will not hesitate to break in to a laughter if the situation is funny enough. However, walking about smiling for no reason is indeed considered the attribute of mad men. For example in the romanian language 'vesel' means happy but it can also mean mad, disturbed, absent minded or drunk if put in a certain context.
Not smiling can be an impediment if doing business in the western culture but east europeans eventually get it.
One key takeaway that my exchange group all agreed on, in public, Russians will just as soon run you over with their car as smile, but once you get inside a close social circle, Russians are easily as warm, and probably more hospitable than any American -- full of warmth and great humor. Many laughs were to be had around the dinner table in a little Soviet-Era flat, drinking Vodka, eating, singing and dancing and telling tall-tales.
http://blogs.denverpost.com/captured/2010/07/26/captured-ame...
It might be because they were in a depression, but look at picture 13, that situation almost calls for a smile. So the most likely scenario seems to be the smiling is a relatively new cultural thing.
Leaving aside the Russian tendency to take ill-informed pot shots at Americans (a national past time), cultural anthropology is an actual discipline with actual data to peruse - _lots_ of it - if you're interested. Curiosities of cultural interaction go far wider than the "happy fool/gloomy fool" non-dilemma here. ;)
Then again, very few people I interact with in New York are actually originally from New York, so I suppose it's hard to get a clean signal on how "New Yorkers" behave.
He-he... A perfect example of neurotic behavior. And fearing no strangers and being armed is something in the same league with being happy and content - that's really an awesome indicator for an open and friendly culture ;)
/me purchases a one way ticket to Russia.
1: America is a nation of immigrants and the descendants of immigrants. People who emigrate from their home country tend to be more likely to be of an optimistic nature (or manic depessive.) 2: Russia's unfortunate history must make for a traumatised psyche in the population as a whole. By contrast America's has been one success after another.
On-Topic: Anything that good hackers would find interesting. That includes more than hacking and startups. If you had to reduce it to a sentence, the answer might be: anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity.
If you reduce it further to "anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity" then you open the gates to anything. That is why we have stories about smiling in Russia on the front page.