Here's a bit I wrote about drinking games.

I enjoy drinking but I hate drinking games. I mean, talk about a way to disguise your drinking problem as laughing matter, as a veritable vocation of which to be proud. If you enjoy drinking games, that’s fine in the same way that it’s fine to have a drinking problem.

As I observe it, flip cup competitors are not so much vying for victory as they are crying for help. You have to hear the irony as they encourage their fellow addicts to, and I quote, “chug, chug, chug, yeahhhh!” All I hear is, “help, help, help uuussssss!”

So let’s reach out to this community with the love and support they need. In fact, let's advertise a support line for this troubled community with posters that read:

Do You Enjoy Beer Pong,

Quarters, And the Like?

Call Anonymously: 1-800-PONG-NOMO.