This is maybe a bit too personal, but unfortunately I am not allowed to leave my country if I go back because of my mandatory military duty, the one which I do not plan to waste 2 years of my life on.

I miss my family and the city in general, our orchard and the foodporn-quality fruits such as peaches with skin that peels just like butter, sometimes I just question if it is all worth it. And probably is, but it feels definitely unfair to have to choose A or B, not a mix.