Ask HN: Is psychological therapy working for you? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Is psychological therapy working for you?

2 pointsyotamoron2 comments

I've went to countless sessions and therapists (for my own issues, for issues with the kids, marriage counseling etc etc), spent many years and a small fortune - but nothing did any real significant change (despite significant hardships as a kid, all-in-all my life turned out ok, but some things can be better...). I feel like its a fraud, that everybody knows it doesn't work, all this endless talking and digging and analyzing, but are just afraid to admit it. Nothing in the way therapy is done today can be really measured, with metrics that can actually point to any significant progress. Many times I finished a session/therapy and wondered - did I even achieve anything? was there any progress? regress? forget about the money - was that a good investment of my time?

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Your experience is not uncommon. If someone goes into therapy with a high degree of skepticism, a tendency toward cynicism, and unrealistic expectations about the speed and magnitude of progress, they’re likely to feel disappointed. It’s analogous to the nocebo effect with medications.

I had an extended family member who had similar thoughts about their therapy: Complaints about the lack of metrics, constant suspicion that it was a waste of time, inability to point to solid progress. Every time she talked about therapy, it was complaints, cynicism, and suspicion.

Yet from our external view, it was obvious to see the positive impacts on her life. The slow but steady progress and improvement in her quality of life. The improved response to emotionally difficult situations and the better handling of life stressors. Her pride wouldn’t let her admit that therapy played a role in those improvements, though. That, and she refused to acknowledge small progress unless her problems were 100% solved, which isn’t a realistic goal.

If it helps, think of therapy as another tool in your tool belt to deal with life stressors and personal issues. Like any project, you can’t finish it with a single tool, but having more options in your tool belt goes a long way to increasing your odds. It’s still up to you to make an effort to learn how to use that tool correctly, which problems to use that tool on, and when you need to bring additional tools into the project.

In short words: yes.

It's been fundamental to who I am today and considering where I come from, I'm very successful.

In your case - let me recommend you a book that's going to help you with three things: 1) To understand what a therapist can do for you and what he can't; 2) How to look for a good professional in that field; 3) What kind of problems psychotherapy deals with that are the most important ones (the book is written in a simple "cause -> consequences" way). I've recommended it to a lot of people, and in case of 70%+ of them it was helpful with making a breakthrough.

"Psychological Defenses in Everyday Life", Robert Firestone & Joyce Catlett

No doubt there's a lot of morons doing counseling out there. No wonder that there's also a lot of people not having progress. Nevertheless, psychotherapy DOES work and it can do wonders if applied properly.

Good luck!

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