I'm a foreign student in Beijing. Living off campus. Xenophobic landlord kicked me out and I discovered there was nothing I could do to get rent or deposit back. Been bouncing between places, very painful as a person of colour in this otherwise normally incredible city.
Oddly, the isolation was initially great. Wasn't so productive in March, but having the pause was magic for every other aspect of my life. Got into incredible shape thanks to eating well, sleeping well, and a light but consistent calisthenics routine. But still missed by first deadline for thesis. Struggled to ask for help. Then asked and found it the university didn't care. Cue total collapse.
Everyday I wake up and try to make progress on a thesis but just end up frozen behind my computer. This has been soul destroying. Showing up each morning but failing to move forward. Anxious beyond imagination. Quit caffeine (coffee, green tea) for a month, then restarted in spectacular fashion.
Visa expires soon. Back to home country in a worse state than China and with ability to right itself. Feeling very doomed, lost, and annoyed to not have been able to capitalise on all this free time. About to throw an entire master's degree program down the drain because I can't stop panicking about it.
Just afraid of the future. Post lockdown, looking back and wishing I did more. It's hard to lose a grip on the world and to operate without a sense of meaning.