> Am I just getting bad doctors? How do you find this type of buddy doctor that becomes a long term relationship and really cares about you personally, like I hear about other people seeming to have.
Doc here:
Stay in one place, go to the same guy repeatedly over time, and ideally, be really candid with them, and send them your family members. When I see half (or more) of a household, it's an entirely different dynamic. You can't buy the sort of relationship that comes of seeing someone's kids grow up, and then treating that kid. That kid is like... 5% blood relative to the doc at that point. He will never be "just a patient." Or when you treat someone and their mother - that's a different level of candor right there, because that person trusts me with their mother - that right there suggests I can be more open with them, because they won't immediately blame/hate me for news they don't like.
Time is the key, though. A lot of patients, if they get "tough love", turn around and go to a different doc. Especially the ones that say they just want to hear it straight - they are trying to convince themselves, I think. So getting to "tough love" is something that's built up over time, in both directions. (Also, studies suggest that it's somewhere between "not effective" and "actively harmful" when it comes to positively changing patient's health-related behavior, so it's not a super high priority.)
Bonus points if you go to someone that only takes cash. For a once or twice a year visit, it's not that much money (compared to, say, one month of most prescription meds), but it means they don't have to hustle you through an 8-minute visit to keep their lights on. You can only get so much of a connection with someone that's forced to hustle you out of the door - it's jarring and kind of upsetting to everyone involved, on both sides of the interaction. (When I was in training I was told pretty candidly I'd make a fantastic attending one day, if I learned to actually hustle patients fast enough to be able to afford keeping an office open. ... You can imagine, I structured my career towards cash patients only. I don't like being inaccessible to folk, but I hate it less than I hate giving people half-assed help when they're in need.)
Another good element is going to a physician that you're community-bound to in some way other than a strict transaction. Your kid's little league coach will have an entirely different relationship to you than "random doctor." That's becoming less common these days, unfortunately - with the way reimbursement is swinging, I don't know of many docs that still have time for much in the way of community activities. They exist, but they're a lot rarer than they used to be.