I've improved myself hard for 10 years and feel lonely now – what should I do? | Hacker News Reader

I've improved myself hard for 10 years and feel lonely now – what should I do?

3 pointsgarlic-fiction11 comments

Ten years ago, i was very shy, naive and could not focus on a thing for more than 10 minutes. Somehow i got annoyed by being a looser and started to improve my self as fast as possible. i have read lots of books about efficiency, health, intelligence and life. Spent a lot time in the gym and took care about my nutrition. Now, i have a decent salary, a beautiful wife and probably everything that someone would describe as a pretty nice life. I can focus for 2 hours without a problem, burn 1000 calories in the gym within an hour and my life is pretty much optimized in terms of efficiency.

When i compare myself to what i was 10 year ago, i am pretty much ashamed of how much i was behind. And i wish that everyone could have such an improvement. If i could choose between 10 million dollars but being how i was 10 years ago and staying how i am today, i would always choose the version of today without a thought.

The problem that i have now, is that i get annoyed by all the inefficiencies others have. And when i try to help someone to get more efficient, i always see that they are too lazy to sacrifice a little of their comfort zone. Even my wife is lazy. She witnesses day by day how easily i go through life and how little issues i have. But she is not willing to improve or change herself much. I guess they are satisfied with their plateau. Most of my friends are nice and funny, but i can not have much interesting discussions with them. Event with the ones that hold PhD's.

Does anyone has a similar experience? And what did you do to not have the feeling that meeting friends or going to a party is a waste of time?

Credit to you for asking a very original question. I don't know anymore than I just read mind you but consider taking up a physical hobby of some sort. Preferably the kind that makes you feel like a little kid inside. Biking, rock climbing, martial arts etc (whatever it is for you). There is a thing we forget to do when we become successful, busy grown-ups and its called Play. And whatever you do, do not measure your time or progress in any way when you're playing.

For me at least, the impact of truly having a great time at something all by myself at least once a week makes me a far more intersting person. Also worthy of mention, going to parties is a total waste of time - and thats the point. Unstructured social time with a drink in the hand etc. Tell a few stories, have a few laughs and take a little play time.

I think you still need to improve and stop being annoyed by inefficiencies others have. You expect much from the people and this makes you unhappy.

I also though that spending time with people that do not bring direct value is not very efficient, but now I would say that best relationships are with people that are independent and do not want to get some value from you and are honest/happy where they are now.

Make a choice to be happy no matter if friends don't meet your expectations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0kQTk6FJgs

If you are as intelligent as you say you are, volunteer to work for a group you can help with your skills.

I would describe myself rather as efficient than intelligent. Because i also make lots of mistakes and struggle sometimes with easy things.

The question is, aren't there already enough blogs and services out there that help you to improve yourself?

All i can add is that it works and it is true that when you constantly work on yourself, you have a much easier life. 95% of the people i talk to only change themselves when there is no other way around it. Unless someone can bring up the intrinsic motivation to change him-/herself, it is hard to convince them. Probably an important reason is also, most people do not want to see the truth. This would mean they constantly observe their mistakes and realize that they are not as good as they thought.

Can you go more in detail how you improved your self?

I just see everything as a challenge to get better. How can i fill the dish washer differently to get a better result? How can i schedule my day to get everything done? How can i refill my energy as fast as possible? How can i best memorize things that i use daily (for example my credit card number)?

In short, your brain is a muscle. If you train it every day, it gets better and better. Like doing push ups every day. First it is hard, but it gets easier and you can do more and more.

After a while you are able to absorb and process much more details. For example when you talk to another person you not only hear the words, you also start to notice the facial expressions and how the voice changes. Also your brain automatically processes more and more if you do not distract it.

The way i see it is, we are a bag of experiences. The more experiences we make, the more we can link and adapt. Therefore, reading lots of books certainly helps much. Because you get lots of new ideas that you can try out and experiment with.

The key is to question everything. I not only read it but also experiment with the new knowledge and see for myself what works best.

Volunteer for a group you can help with your skills.

You still haven't learned to spell "loser", and you have yet to learn patience. You've still got a long way to go.

You've already posted more than one comment that breaks the site guidelines: https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html. Would you mind reviewing them, and HN in the intended spirit?

I am fully aware that I still have lots of room for improvement. I realise that every December when I reflect on myself and see how much I have improved throughout the year.

To avoid annoying you too much, I will now use a spell checker, since English is not my mother tongue. But enough about me.

It looks like you are going through a rough time right now. Do you want to talk about it?

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