"the Wild West that seems to be most of the US. "

You can write anything you want into a contract. Even that you are obligated to give BJs until the end of your life to your previous employer. Good luck trying to enforce this in court. A shitty non compete? I would tell my previous employer "go sue me". A friend actually had this problem and he met with his previous employer and told them: "Look, I don't care what you want, I will keep working for my new employer. If you don't like that you can pay me the same amount of money and I sit a home and do nothing." They passed.