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Several posts have mentioned that objects are merely metaphors, and isn't that exactly what you are doing here?

Pretty much. But I see "BASH isn't OO" fairly often, and really? Every process you spawn has its own memory. That's pretty definitively OO.

You're missing message passing (though you can have that with a separate process as well). Something isn't OO just because it has its own memory.

You have the strangest definition of OO I've yet to come across.

Encapsulation, abstraction, and per-instance memory? So I'm missing message passing (possible between processes), and...?