I don't want an iPhone. I like my Android phone a lot, it's just a big pain in the ass sometimes, mostly due to a lack of attention to detail in the design.

You've sidestepped #1 entirely, so I'll leave that be.

#2, I have over 100 apps, most of which came with the phone and/or are components of other things. It's like your grandma's Windows desktop in there. It's not much of a pain to get things more usable on the home panes, it's just a UX headache that doesn't need to exist.

And as for inconsistency, the original article was talking about inconsistency among different apps, not phones/UIs.