Mostly because I know the source of my procrastination and it boils down to two things:
1. I've gotten away with a lot of stupid shit in the past.
2. Because of that I think too highly of my skills.
I have no incentive to start preparing tasks or being organised because I've come to enjoy the thrill of doing everything in the last minute.
A few years ago I had an incredible run of insane productivity in grad school and at a startup afterwards, but I think it's solely because I had so much to do that I was genuinely interested in that I was crushing through work without it being a last minute delivery (though, there were still a lot of those). Now, I'm so bored with work that I can't even begin to start on anything. Next thing I know it's 11pm and I said I would deliver something the next day and I bang it out, or at minimum come up with a good cover / projection of making major progress. It's really starting to eat at me, and isn't sustainable. This is in no way COVID related, it's been going on for the past 2 years. I was actually planning on hitting the reset button and taking a few months off of work, but now I can't do that. I think the key at this point might be actually getting meds for my ADHD.
First work experiences led me to become pretty cynical about office life, and I find that my motivation ultimately gets sapped because I don’t think what I do is that important.
I’ve been soul searching for months about this, including trying a different workplace, etc. The thing is, I know any job can be meaningful—finding meaning in it is something I need to work on.
But I’ve also been searching for a path that will better suit my values.
Some conclusions: I decided to go back to school, and I’m really good at focusing on school work now, it is much easier to do than making myself work.
I wonder if the school work is more motivating because there is the chance for graded feedback though. At work, you never get an A, just “good enough” or “not good enough” plus you don’t have the feeling of working towards a clear goal of the degree.
I wonder if your experience has some things in common with mine—maybe grad school was easier to focus on goal and progress, and start up you were fresh to work and excited.
I ultimately think I have to find some way to feel that what I do is important to the world. That by working on it, I’m creating something important. The question is how to get to that feeling!
The bad places, everyone was about pointing fingers at other people (the worst being those reviewers who blamed first years!) and yelling / lecturing but not problem-solving why the workflow allowed this problem to arise.
I have heard from some friends who do manage to work someplace where their manager expresses appreciation for them frequently.
My point is--I think there are better workplaces out there! (Right now I work for myself which circumvents most of that stuff). But if I was looking for a new employer, my new minimum criteria is that they at least have to handle problems by problem-solving, not drama.
I tend to do this a lot and so far it's managed to work for things that actually have deadlines, though it always ends up being more stressful. I find though, with things that don't have deadlines it kind of falls apart and last minute just becomes never happens.
It also causes my work to back up which leads to even more stress.
I forgot where I read it but there was something about ADD people getting so used to living in constant anxiety that they need it to thrive. I've been trying really hard to live with less anxiety and knocking my work out early has really helped.
This is pretty much my situation as well. If a task has no deadline, it is not likely to be completed unless absolutely necessary (such as chores). Work tasks and such (assuming they have deadlines) I can be much better about completing not at the last minute, as long as the deadline is relatively close to the assignment date. My personal projects suffer because I get distracted super easily (like going on HN, Reddit, etc) rather than doing the work. I do have moments of spontaneity where I decide "this is a good thing to do", but I'm not sure if that's motivation or procrastination of other task...
Unless it was something school related. For some reason no matter what class or what task, that was going to be completed last minute unless it was a group project. I'm much happier being out of that environment.
I'm trying to create a system that move away to a more proactive mindset about task, the result is still hit or miss, but it's definitely better than pure last-minute-miracle style.
Wow, that really resonated with me. I think sometimes I delay stuff as much as possible just to see if I'm up to the challenge of getting it done.. like I want to make it harder because it's too easy.
I guess this is how thrill seekers must feel like.