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Comment by _bxg1 | Hacker News Reader

The flipside is that it takes a lot more intentional effort, which many of us may struggle to put forth. The vast majority of friendships are made in incidental contexts: people you just happen to be around and interact with through the normal course of life. Many adults struggle to make and maintain friendships when they no longer have school forcing them to be around peers, and become very isolated. I think your interpretation is quite overly-optimistic.

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Yeah. I'm pretty introverted but the number of good friends I've made in my life that I didn't meet through either school or work is exactly 0. I've never quite understood the anti-coworker-socialization sentiment here. For some people it seems to go beyond that they've given their coworkers a chance and they just don't like them; rather they seem determined not to socialize with coworkers as a matter of principle. Why would it be more likely that you're going to enjoy socializing with your neighbors or your disc golf teammates than your coworkers?

We're basically wired to become friends with people we're physically close to or have intense experiences with. You can imagine the evolutionary benefit to that.

> people you just happen to be around and interact with through the normal course of life

My experience in the military supports this argument. I have a few life long friends through this experience. Some of which I disliked initially.

Although, I do agree with the spirit of GP 's argument. You don't have to be in the office to be social and you get so much of your time back it's hard to justify the time cost if the value proposition is small talk.

Strong friendships are forged through shared adversity. Military probably ticks that box.

You're describing the status quo before the crisis. We weren't suffering from excess happiness and satisfaction. It's time for something new. The new things are yet to be determined.

Agreed. Let's not just give in because many here are unpopular and want to go back to a world that forces someone to sit next to them.

People who define themselves through their work are depressing and need to wake up.

The old future is cancelled. Good. It was a bad future.

I'm describing a facet of human nature.

Is it, though? Most of adults are "forced to be around peers" (offices), and yet, they still struggle to make friendships.

It is easier than ever before to go out and meet people with similar interests to you. In many places, even relatively small ones, clubs exist for climbing, sailing, all sorts of tech, chess, reading, photography etc. I don't buy the idea that people are so feeble that they can't make friends outside work.

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