If you're the author, you should make clear who your audience is. "Demystifying Science" and "How to Visualize Electricity" imply a general high school audience... this sounds like it's specifically "How to Visualize Electricity for Quantum Physicists." Perhaps start off by stating some quantum formulas or misconceptions that aren't well served by the hydrostatic analogy but your analogy helps explain better. If I don't understand that framing, I'll know right away "ok, this is for a grad-level understanding, not high school."
Not saying this is bad work, it's just very niche work where people outside the niche won't really understand the point or appreciate it. Know your audience, and present appropriately. It fell flat to me because I was expecting it to be something that apparently it is not.