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Here's an elaboration of what I was going for: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23114566.

Honestly, I'm really looking for a board with all the bells and whistles. Just a simpler interface and some stuff that just works out of the box. Especially communication protocols like GSM, Bluetooth, WiFi etc.

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I'm not sure about GSM but try making your own board combining a PSoC and ESP32, or even just a board with the sensors and maybe and i2c interface over a header?

PSoC is basically a microcontroller with a small field programmable analog array bolted to it so you can get a but more bang for your buck on the board.

If you want high speed signal acquisition try the nxp lpc4370.

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