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This is bullshit. Go ask right now. Don't be demanding, just seek the information of whether or not you can get a raise that you deserve. That information may be, "No" for a variety of reasons, but your assumptions about what those are could be complete fantasy. Go seek the information.

Become an "asker". Do it today. People that ask for what they want get told "No" a lot, they also hear "Yes" some of the time-that is they hear it infinitely more than the people who do not ask. I realized this a couple of years ago and it changed my life. Make peace with hearing "No" and start asking for stuff.

Unless it would truly get you fired, come up with three legitimate single-sentence reasons you deserve a raise and go ask RIGHT NOW. You chance is now, it's always NOW.

"I'm having my review today and I am not making enough to live on. Every month, after mortgage on the house, modest car payment, and insurance for wife and two kids, I dip into savings to pay the bills."

Do you realize what you're saying? YOU ARE PAYING YOUR OWN MONEY TO GO TO WORK. It's not like you are spending all your cash on hookers and cocaine. Get a raise that covers your basic living expenses, or go find another job right now.

"I think because I don't want the commitment a big raise would impose on me to stay indefinitely, and I don't want to be comfortable."

Your manager will have no problem being comfortable enough to fire you when cash flow is tight.

I don't want the commitment a big raise would impose on me to stay indefinitely

Why would that impose any commitment? If you’re not under contract, you have no obligation to stay. You can get a raise on Monday, negotiate a better deal with a new employer on Tuesday, and quit on Wednesday.

You have absolutely no obligation to stay indefinitely (or for any period of time) after getting a big raise. And if you want to work on a startup, earning more money and saving it will give you more flexibility in the future.

Not to mention that if you have a family and a mortgage, you really want to have some savings you can live off if some unexpected event happened (sickness, unemployment, etc.). If you're draining your savings just because you don't feel like asking for a raise, you're deliberately putting your family's financial security at risk.

Hmm, so a raise in no way implies a commitment to stay. Raise your sights -- going from 'broke' to 'getting by' may be motivating, but not quite as lucrative as going from 'getting by' to 'killing it'.

I'll tell you, flat out -- no matter how much you make, you'll feel the pinch, you'll just learn to move the 0.

A large raise involves my manager walking up to the owner of the company and laying out a case for why the owner of the company should have less money in his pocket every month, because I'm so important to the company. If I then quit while that conversation is still fresh in mind, say, within a couple of years, my manager will lose credibility with the owner. This seems to articulate best the reasons, but to be honest, it's less logical and more from the gut. In my gut, it just seems like I'm "honor bound" to commit for a long time after receiving a large raise.

I hear you, but that's not in your own interest to feel that way. Honor in this case is meeting your commitments, your explicit commitments. In this case, you are -- at least in you words here -- negotiating against yourself. Count on the owner and your boss to act in their own interest, for themselves.

No, it involves you and him telling the owner of the company how you have increased the amount of money he makes, and how keeping you will further increase what he makes.

People leave their jobs all the time, for all different kinds of reasons. Dealing with that is part of management's job. It's not your problem.

Also, the company has no obligation to you. They could fire you a day after giving you your big raise if they were suddenly short on money, or if they decided to cancel the product you were working on, or if they just felt like it. Why should you have a commitment to them that they don't have to you?

Remember that the owner only pays you for the time you're at the job. So if you work six more months and leave, he only paid you for six months of work at the new salary. And you did six months of work. It's not like you're asking for a five year bonus, and then leave in six months.

Don't feel ashamed to ask the owner for a raise if you feel like you deserve one. Change your perspective. They should be ashamed that they haven't been trying to do their best by you. And if it does come down to hurting feelings... who do you care more about, the owner or your wife and kids?

If the manager or owner are concerned about this possibility, then they can respond to your request for a raise by making a counteroffer like this: “We’ll give you a 2% raise now, and if you stay on through the end of the year, we’ll give you a bonus equal to 3% of your base salary.”

At any rate, the conversation will not be “fresh in mind” after two years. Six months, maybe... one year, just barely possibly... but not two years.

If you leave because the negotiation didn't get you enough, and the company feels a pinch as a result, I think that would get the manager more credibility for proactively trying to head off the loss of talent.

Besides, if you negotiate a raise and then leave, it means that they don't have to pay you that raise after all, right?

You know what? That is your manager's job. That is why he gets paid. It sounds like your company is rather small - so honestly? The fact that the owner isn't even willing to pay you enough to make ends meet is shameful.

Ask for the bigger raise.

You need to either get a raise or quit. Wallowing around in between these two options isn't a healthy employment situation.

You get rewarded in the USA for past performance (and to a limited extent, future potential). Nobody is giving you raises purely on what you promise to deliver in the future. Therefore, you should have no guilt in accepting promotions/raises and then moving out to other projects elsewhere.