> "Asking to understand" is toxic and passive-aggressive.

What if the issue isn't a deficiency? What if it's a case of your employee understanding the problem better than you, and coming to a better solution?

Asking to understand is toxic if you're certain that there is something that needs correction. It's not toxic if you have an open mind and accept that the employee might have done the correct thing in a situation for reasons you don't yet understand.