> When you can't query your DB, you hit your resident memory cache. Redis, Memcached, etc.

You would query those first surely, before loading the DB? Regardless, I've been using Redis and Memcache for years from PHP, so mute point.

> I use multiple threads in a single request flow frequently.

So how do you track those? And for how long do they live after the parent request has been processed, or do they block the parent? Gets complicated quickly.

> It's ugly and inconsistent, takes time to memorize, and leads to errors.

Rasmus will admit the same, but he will also admit he does not care (I've seen him say this during a talk). Nobody bought your product because it had beautiful, consistent code.

> This limits you to writing basic CRUD. And so many other languages offer this.

99.9% of web apps are CRUD.