the only control you have if you go the "own mail server" route is the control on your tears when you see that your mails are rejected by every other mail server in existence because you made it in some random blacklist
And if you're using your own domain, you're always able to switch providers by updating your mx records.
But I wouldn't ask my family to do that either, that's just something for tech enthusiasts and people that make their actual living by being reachable through mail (contractors etc)
[edit:] On the other hand, if one wants to run his own mail server:
From the last hn discussions about blacklists, I got the impression that [running your own mail server] is not an issue as long as you correctly navigate the anti-spam mechanisms. It's not obvious, but also not a black art.
I would rather be bothered by server security. Since email is so vital, how do you secure your server against recent vulnerabilities if you are offline, e.g. if you are on a vacation.
Similar argument: "Why do we even have doctors? Anyone can buy a medical textbook."
>You can start by using the mail service of the domain provider.
>From the last hn discussions about blacklists, I got the impression that ~this~ [running your own mail server] is not an issue as long as
I absolutely expect my doctor to be able to register his own domain in the same vein that my doctor expects me to not lick Corona infested door handles right now.
Registering a domain is like taking medicine. We expect everybody to be able to do it.
It's the building of domain management infrastructure, the software that sells domains to the users, that is out of reach for the doctor.
Similarly, I expect a barista to register a domain. It's not magic. If he has made his own Amazon, Netflix and Spotify account then he can make one more.