Being shy about how much I make
littlemissmoneybags.blogspot.com
"I went out for dinner last night with two friends in my field, and had the most bizarre realization that I make way more money than they do."
littlemissmoneybags.blogspot.com
In this blog we are merely observing the firings of someone's ego who identifies as "thrifty" and a high earner. I'm sure any awkwardness with her friends is created by her!
I have a very good friend who just graduated law school and got his first job with some firm in Virginia. He helped me move cross country last summer, and got the job offer on the drive. On the drive, he mentioned his salary as a way of bragging (he likes to do that), and I casually mentioned that was a great salary for someone effectively right out of school. He asked what I made, and I told him it was in the ballpark of double his new offer, and that pissed him off. I had to remind him that I've been doing this professionally for five years, that I've got a strong track record of getting shit done and that I also have a grad degree in my field. It didn't really help, and it made things awkward for the remainder of the trip. I'm not sure why, though. We have another friend who makes far more than either of us ever will (he's some sort of associate director for a hedge fund), and although we don't know specifics it's fairly easy to come to grips with the fact that all of us make different amounts of money. I'm just not sure why the contrast between my attorney friend's salary and my own was such a shock, and it makes me very hesitant to discuss money with them in the future.
On the flipside, I focus by questioning on what effort the person had to expend to achieve a great salary and what other benefits they feel they get with their line of work. Concluding with a 'very cool' or something similar.
In both cases, you end up downplaying the sums of money, and focus instead on meaning in context. Changing the perception that there is a dividing factor amongst parties and shifting to a meaning of solidarity is powerful in these situations or conflict resolution.
If he's in the latter group, what he heard was "You've worked like a dog in school and now you're going to have to work 80+ hour weeks to make half as much as I do." In contrast, he's probably able to rationalize the hedge fund guy as a lottery-type combination of talent, ridiculously hard work, and luck.