To be clear, this wasn't the retention offer, this was the new job! And it's still technically open, but nicely spaced with sound-absorbing partitions. The dysfunctional place had a pingpong table within earshot.
This was not clear :O Would be good to clarify in your original post.
Edit window now closed, but yes. My point was that a counteroffer can only ever change a very small set of things, so they're very rarely worth bothering with.