Ask HN: How can I be a better contributor to meetings at work? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How can I be a better contributor to meetings at work?

22 pointscosmovegas16 comments

Mid thirties female. Naturally quiet. In school my teachers always said I should contribute more to class discussions. Now as an adult I find myself wishing I could contribute more to meetings at work, as I know my passivity is holding back my career.

My diagnosis of the situation is that I’m technically competent, but lacking creativity and the ability to think on my feet. On the rare occasions I do have an opinion about something work-related, I’ve never had the confidence to express it to a group of people, in case I’d look like an idiot. Other times I genuinely have nothing to say - I literally have no ideas. Maybe it’s because of fear?

This trait is so engrained in me that I finding it difficult to break out of.

Anyone got any tips on how to become a useful contributor to meetings after a lifetime of being passive?

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Some ideas:

1. Prepare for meetings - set aside 10-15 min to go over any background info, agenda items, etc. Take notes as you prepare, so you can consult them during the meeting.

2. If something comes to you during the meeting but you don't feel comfortable raising it, write it down. You can always raise it 1-on-1 afterwards, do further research offline to answer questions, etc.

3. There are ways to contribute beyond ideas. Keep minutes. Help rein in digressions. Help bring attention back to salient points that got dropped. In general, communication is hard, and often requires both structure and diligence to be effective.

4. Given all this, if you're still not sure how to contribute to a meeting: do you need to be there? Some meetings are not an efficient use of everyone's time - maybe bring informed after the fact is good enough.

5. Consider raising your concerns to a trusted manager. A good manager is happy to help team members improve soft skills.

6. In that vein: talking and contributing are not synonymous. There are tools / approaches to conduct brainstorms that aren't rapid-fire talkfests: one common such structure is to give team members time to independently write down thoughts, then review afterwards. Keep in mind also that the person who says 1 or 2 well thought-out things is likely contributing way more of use than the person who insists on adding their opinion to every last item.

HTH!

Why do you want to speak?

If it's because you feel you "should", well, don't. As boltzmannbrain said, if you don't have anything to say, don't talk just to talk.

Do you feel it's hurting your career (which you sound like you do)? Well, is it hurting your career, or is that just fear?

Do you feel it's hurting the company/project/team? Are there things that need to be said that aren't being said? Or does the team pretty much cover what you would say?

In a meeting, it's fine to have no ideas on much of it - that's why the other people are there, the ones who know that area better than you do. Let them do their job. But for your area, you know more than they do. Sure, you can still be wrong, but it won't happen often. Speak what you know, and speak with confidence because you know that you know.

If your commitment is to the truth rather than to looking right, then even if what you say gets exposed as wrong, that's not so bad. People notice when someone can change their mind in the presence of better data or a better idea.

If you can't think on your feet, as mdorazio said, think in advance. "Here's what the topic is going to be. What are the three (or fewer) main things that I think need to be said on that topic?" It's OK to bring notes with you to the meeting, so that you remember to say what needs said.

Talk more with people before the meeting starts, be willing to hang around after it ends for more chit chat. If people are used to your voice then it won't silence the whole room whenever you utter something in the middle of a meeting, making it less awkward.

Also good to repeat what point someone has made before you address it. Makes you look perceptive and gives them a chance you argue with your understanding before your point, so your point doesn't have to get shot down over a misunderstanding.

I'm learning this the hard way too. :)

You know I think this is more common than you might think. I struggle with this also. I've found the best way to break out of the cycle is to just do begin. Visualize yourself looking like an idiot and realizing it's ok. Think about how many times you have been in a meeting and someone said something you thought was stupid and it went quiet. Everyone just moves on to the next topic, it's never a huge deal. Do people hold it against them? No. If it's reoccurring, that's a different story.

Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's an old time classic with advice that is very much relevant today. With my own struggles I found The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck also helped me.

You already say you're technically competent! You know you have the skills, what is it that you're really worried about when speaking? I think you need to ask yourself really what you think is going to happen. Think about times where you've spoken up and people ended up really appreciating your input. You've got this, you just got try a little bit every time you can.

Great recommendation in general is to join Toastmasters, https://www.toastmasters.org/ , who specialise in creating a friendly, supportive environment for members to improve their public speaking skills.

They also do something called Table Topics, where you are called upon to talk for 2 minutes on a random question. Sounds scary, but is excellent practice if you do this every other week. Good practice for work situations, where you usually have to think on your feet too.

https://www.toastmasters.org/membership/club-meeting-roles/t...

As a light-hearted answer, I recommend the book 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings by Sarah Cooper: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29431093-100-tricks-to-a...

I found it to be hilarious, relatable, and some parts sadly true.

Excerpt from the Goodreads page:

> You know those subtle tricks your coworkers are all guilty of? The constant nodding, pretend concentration, useless rhetorical questions? These tricks make them seem like they know what they’re doing when in fact they have no clue. This behavior is so ingrained, so subtle, and so often mistaken for true intelligence that identifying it, calling it out, or compiling it into an exhaustive digest has never been attempted. Until now.

> Complete with illustrated tips, examples, and scenarios, 100 Tricks gives you actionable ways to use words like “actionable,” in order to sound smart. Every type of meeting is covered, from general meetings where you stopped paying attention almost immediately, to one-on-one meetings you zoned out on, to impromptu meetings you were painfully subjected to at the last minute. It’s all here.

I've had to coach a couple people in situations similar to yours on this. Similar input to boltzmannbrain -

Spend 5-10 minutes before important meetings reviewing the content to be discussed and determining if there items that need to be discussed, resolved, or that you feel you have expertise on. Write down what you can add to these points or questions that you have. Before the end of the meeting, look at your list. Are there unresolved points on there still? If so, say something like, "before we end the meeting, I have a couple quick topics" then state them.

During the meeting, specifically listen for topics on which you have expertise and either 1) write down your input if you're too shy to speak during the discussion (or if the person running the meeting sucks and lets some people dominate the conversation/isn't inclusive) and share them via the method above, or 2) add your input during the team discussion.

If the meeting organizer asks for team input and you have something to add, just say it. You don't have to wait for someone to call you out by name. It's also OK to disagree as long as you do it tactfully.

In some cases, your team and/or manager will not be good about inclusion and you might need to talk to someone about this to create more opportunities for you to contribute during meetings. Running meetings effectively is a skill like anything else, and a lot of organizers aren't all that good at it. If you find you're never asked for your opinion or, more commonly, interrupted and/or ignored by other people in the meeting, talk to your manager or mentor about this and see if they can help modify team behavior to be more inclusive.

There is a lot of great advice here on how to improve contributions to meetings; but the passivity/social confidence advice is lacking.

Like everything else its a case of practice.

Finding and participating in a local public speaking group is a direct way of approaching this. Often such groups are part of debate groups.

Failing that you can roll your own group exercises by joining local clubs and courses for a few weeks; you have a natural excuse to inject yourself and ask questions. This is however slower and more indirect.

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This all said, being the typical advice I've given in the past, it strikes me that you're reasonably progressed in your career - and a visitor to HN. Have you ever been forced into a completely active role? Like mentoring, team lead, or giving a talk?

These are all active partivipation activities you are well placed to do, in and outside of your job.

>I’ve never had the confidence to express it to a group of people, in case I’d look like an idiot.

One way until you get the hang of this, is ask questions that lead the person/group to your opinion or suggestion. This will hopefully help your confidence up and get you used to speaking.

e.g. Let's assume the task at hand is moving data from mysql to progress. When the meeting organizer asks for feedback:

- An extroverted person might blurt out the need to have some sort of reconciliation report that makes sure the data from both systems is the same.

- A somewhat introverted (not trying to label you! :)), might think a reconciliation report is needed, but instead ask how can we make sure that the data in the 2 systems are correct to give us the confidence that we aren't making a mistake. At this point some extrovert would blurt something out.

Good luck! Practice makes perfect.

I was able to overcome fear of public speaking by improving my physical technique, breathe with the goal of keeping the diaphragm full similar to how a bagpipe keeps its airbag full and lets air out to produce sound. Working on my pronunciation so that it is easily heard. Stress the first syllable of words. Stress the t sound. Soften the r in the middle and end of words. My favorite tongue twister is “After crossing the Sahara we found a bar in the bazaar”. Before a big speech I get myself hydrated four hours before. Good luck.

1. If you can, come prepared with a notepad and several bullet points of your thoughts/questions. Just the simple act of writing it down crystallizes your thoughts and is a practice run at speaking aloud.

2. Don't speak just to speak. Empty comments are wasteful -- minimal value in the eyes of dimwits, and negative value to those that matter.

Point 2 is related to "Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary" of Greene's 48 Laws of Power [1]. It would be good to read the full book ;)

[1] http://www.elffers.com/low/start/index2.html

Just the table of contents of Greene's book looks like a manual for sociopaths. I'm not sure it's something to aspire to - more like something to avoid.

Resist the urge to contribute something and you'll be doing everyone else a big favor. Not being snarky, but in my experience, the worst kind of meetings are where everyone feels like they have to contribute something. Nobody will think you're an idiot just because you are quite.

A simple way that works for me as a tester- ask 'wh' questions and repeat.

People make decisions that are not always based on facts data, asking a simple open clarification leads many times to a good discussion.

Why did you choose this framework ? this architecture ?

Who is going to use this product ? How ?

When does this problem happens ?

cosmovegas, I am the exact same as you. I recommend a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. It's really good and I found myself described in the book in so many ways.

Some of the examples given in the book are from Susan's own experience of being in work meetings as a lawyer.

Let's get some things out of the way first...

You've posted here about your current state, your desired state, and your wish to go from the former to the latter. This is problem solving and you're taking action to find a solution, which is everything but passive.

You claim you lack creativity; I'm a disbeliever until you have irrefutable proof of your lack of creativity.

Now...

Contributing to meetings does not necessarily have to be during meetings. The point of meetings is to drive a project or product forward, so that's what to be optimized. One of the most valuable things you can do, and that does not require thinking on your feet, is to take meeting notes/minutes, with action items, and send them to everyone after the meeting.

If you do not have a template, here's one you can use[0], under section 1.1, "Taking meeting notes". If you send this a few times, everyone will get used to the template and will parse the message really fast, as they would with idiomatic code.

You can create a repository and push the notes to version control. They will be rendered in Markdown nicely on GitHub or GitLab.

You can also augment the meeting notes with resources and analysis. Descriptions of different tools that were discussed, alternative approaches, etc.

You can also take the action items and create the issues in your issue tracker, fully explaining the problem to be solved, the preliminary solution, alternative approaches, likely parts of the code/product to change, related issues, when it is due, which milestone does it belong to.

This plays to your strength, as you can do it alone, in a place and time you are most productive. This is also a highly valuable product. The point is to add value to the team and the product.

This is a hack, because often times people do not contribute during meetings because they feel they will be interrupted, talked over, or not have the time to fully develop an idea. If the person in charge isn't attuned to people's characters, and making sure people do not speak over one another, put out decibel bullying or conversation domination, many people will never talk. You do that, you get heard, and then you'll get comfortable speaking. Supposing you want to.

Taking it a step further, you can tackle some of the problems. Say an issue that has different approaches. You can create several branches and implement a solutiong using different approaches, and then bring these to whoever merges the branches. You are then helping do their job which is "choosing" which direction to go. This is a lot of effort but things will move faster when the team lead or CTO or whoever has three branches and proof of concepts and they can just choose whichever they like. However, in doing that one must be ruthless and be totally fine seeing code they wrote, often during commute or the week-end, never get merged. Some will, and it will drive the project further in the right direction, but I digress.

If you do that (just the notes and refined issues part):

- 1. The opinions you were not confident adding will find their way to the team

- 2. During future meetings people will pause the meeting and ask your opinion

Now have the problem of everyone wanting your opinion on everything.

[0]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19924100

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