The problem with that though is I perceive nuetral as negative. Neutral is registered same as negative because it's not positive. This is why gratitude is hard because people like me can't find the positives nearly enough to start recognizing and changing how I think.

In fact, I find it difficult to think that people are okay with neutral because how is that any better? You arguably still failed at whatever you were trying to do, just the results weren't as harsh. I dont know. I think I might just be really far gone at this point.