Certainly. I wouldn't expect a big, open-membership FOSS project to "get away with" being abusive in a non-consensual way. That isn't what BDSM is—which I had hoped was carrying some of the weight in explaining what exactly I meant here, by making you picture what an actually-analogous-to-BSDM software community would be like.

But my question still stands. Let me be more precise with it. Is Code-of-Conduct-space actually wide in practice, or is it narrow? Is there really only one societally-acceptable way to run an open-membership out-in-public software project, with the differences coming down only to the fine details; or is it actually possible to do something very different, e.g. having a CoC containing "We like to call each-other names here. Only join if you're into that."?

Would a project that claims different limits than the ones of wider society, be tenable? Or would it, and every other project attempting such a thing, be boycotted, simply for its members being weird and liking things people don't normally like (and therefore making it squicky to contribute to the software if you don't like what they're doing, which must therefore be a moral failing on their part)?