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Comment by cgriswald | Hacker News Reader

For me, doing those small things did seem impossible and even when I managed to achieve it, I didn't feel the reward. There didn't seem any point in making the bed if I felt the same whether the bed was made or not. Eventually I reached a mental place where I could turn that around: If it doesn't make a difference in how I feel, why not make the bed? I had to more or less take it on faith that eventually the rewards would come, and they did. Anyone out there dealing with this: Keep fighting, but don't kick yourself if you have a set back. You wouldn't kick someone else when they're down, so don't do that to yourself.

Edit: Just want to plug Allie Brosh here. This comic is maybe the best description I've ever read on how depression is experienced: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-par...

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Speaking of treating yourself as well as you might treat a friend... I found this paper on self-compassion to be very helpful when dealing with self-criticism, guilt and shame:

Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/b357/87b9b21486d00458e85f8b....

As soon as I read "Self-Compassion" I knew it has to be Dr. Kristin Neff; I read her book (https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-kristin-neff/) a couple years ago and it was quite an eye-opener for me.

Just a note: your link is not working; here's a link to the paper, directly form Dr. Neff's homepage: https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/...

Coincidentally, I really see no point in making the bed. I wonder if I'm depressed.

Is there anything else where you do see a purpose that needs doing? Maybe folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, etc. That usually makes you feel more comfortable at home.

Whatever it is, you can start small. Fold one pair of socks. Clean one dish. Vacuum one room.

I think a lot of people don't see any purpose in making a bed.

For that matter, is there a link between depression and feeling overwhelmed with tasks all the time? Does one cause the other, is it a two way feedback loop, or is there sometimes a separate common cause?

> "For that matter, is there a link between depression and feeling overwhelmed with tasks all the time?"

If you're talking about work tasks, that seems more likely to be from occupational burnout. Here's a comparison chart that might be helpful: https://mdedge-files-live.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/files/s...

I'm talking about both work tasks, and personal. Surprisingly I can get through assigned work tasks typically without issue. It is the tasks that I set out for myself that I have a problem with. Which fits in with why I'm primarily in a systems administration / engineering role -- I can pull on my decades of experience to solve tasks readily, however whenever I have to do a programming / design related task (which I can be fairly good at), I can't pull that off consistently. I can only do that if it is an area I'm not familiar enough with, where I can trick myself into thinking that it isn't that big of a project. But if I end up going down the wrong path and have to start over, then I fall apart and can't even think about working on it anymore. Or if I get a basic system developed (MVP), I find it difficult to work on improvements because the list of things I can do is never ending.

For my non-work related projects (open source software, home system builds, woodworking, 3D modeling) I wish I could hire a project manager to oversee my work on them. (would that be a variation of hiring a life coach?)

I remember this thread, so maybe you can.

Boss as a Service – Hire a boss, get stuff done

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18512197

I fold laundry after ironing so that I can store it unwrinkled in the closet. I clean the kitchen after I cook, as otherwise it would quickly become messy (a biohazard).

I don't see a point in making the bed though - I can lie typing this just as well in a bed that's unmade. I feel similarly about cleaning up the dust in the apartment - it just doesn't bother me. I don't know if it's depression or nirvana...

It can be laziness but I tend to see all these details as a sign of a tad too low mood.

It's a relativistic conclusion that, whenever I'm a bit happy, I tend to naturally care more about making beds, picking nicer clothes, etc

So I can accept that thinking not doing these can be a sign.

The main benefit I've found to making the bed is that it shrinks your subconscious to-do list and helps you concentrate. If you make your bed, clean up the plates on your desk, and pick up your clothes from the floor, then your brain has nowhere to hide -- the only thing left to focus on is the task at hand.

But making my bed & cleaning were never on my todo list to begin with, so it isn't shrinking my subconscious todo list

Are there any menial tasks that are on your list?

Food

Well I guess if you never clean or tidy and it doesn't bother you and you're able to remain productive, then what I'm saying doesn't apply.

Making the bed is a waste of time. Better to let the mattress and sheets breathe and air out. (at least that's how I justify my laziness). Don't sweat it friend.

I'd say that's also a valid way of making the bed. Flip the bedding open, shake up the pillows a little, let it breathe.

Then again, sleeping in fresh sheets after a shower is supremely satisfying and might also count.

Do both - fold down the quilt/sheet so it looks neat but still breathes. Then make it later on. Takes me five seconds to make the bed and then I appreciate that neatness every time I walk past during the day - easily worth it to me.

Not making your bad could be healthy as it helps killing dust mite: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10493-006-9003-8

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