Ask HN: How to Break the Isolation? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How to Break the Isolation?

5 pointsthrowaway2283482 comments

I fell into the trap of doing freelance development. The money is good, but not having a fixed workplace or workmates you talk to in person is killing me. The friends I had in school and such have gradually drifted away.

I live in a moderately small town (pop 100k) in West Europe, so developer meetups are right out. Never been very good at forming relationships with people either.

How do you fix this? Where do you meet people? It seems like whenever I casually talk to people, the whole thing just falls apart like a house of cards when they ask you what you do in your spare time or such. Why, yes, I work and I discuss work-related stuff with strangers on the Internet.

I too find it hard to talk to strangers. What works for me is to encourage people to talk more about themselves and by remembering details use that in future conversations with others.

If you are a native to the town, then surely you know other people and have some "history". If not, then you can ask about things that you notice and share contrasts with where you originally came from.

When I go shopping, I talk with other shoppers. Chat with the shopkeeper. When taking a walk, I say hello to others. Comment on their dog if they are walking with one.

Yes, it does take effort, especially when you are introverted. But each little success provides incentive to try again. It is rather like debugging a program in a language you are learning. You try this, then that. Observing and understanding as you go.

Think of other people as microservices with undocumented API. You start with doing what has worked in the past and then experiment with new approaches.

Social groups don't spring up out of nothing. They are formed by shared interests, goals or experiences. This is why you had friends in school, and also why they are drifting away now.

Volunteering is a great way to gain that interaction around a shared goal.

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