If this bothers you enough, you may want to seek out a therapist. I don't want to and can't diagnose you over the internet, but certain phrases you use suggest to me there are some elements that they may be able to help you with.
On the self-help front, you may want to pursue mindfulness studies, with an eye towards the sort that helps you interrogate your own mind about why you feel the way you do. You may be surprised where that leads. Studying stoicism or other philosophies around acceptance may also help.
However, let me both open and close with the suggestion that professional help may be worthwhile. I do not mean that in a bad way, but a helpful way. I am all about self-help and independence and learning things and doing my own thing, but there's a limit to how far that can reach and sometimes you need direct external help.