I did a round of "You're going to die" with esophageal cancer in 2017.
The conversations I had with my peers that were waiting in line for radiation and/or chemo were refreshingly real and focused.
It's interesting where your head eventually lands in these situations.
Had I gone in earlier, I could have avoided some pretty radical surgery that removed 6 inches of my esophagus. Men are pretty notorious with doctors for putting issues off and waiting until it's too late.
That is one of the reasons why health insurance for men is significantly cheaper than health insurance for women.
It was interesting how many of them had this sort of overwhelming guilt about dying. That they were somehow on the hook in an exclusive way for what happens to their husband and children when they are gone.
There was one in particular that seemed obsessed about how selfish and materialistic her husband was, and how it might shape her kid's future. I was in line with her maybe 4 or 5 times, over a 4 month period, and we talked for 10-20 minutes or so each time. Still haunts me. She was very intelligent and rational, but deeply sad. She was in pretty rough shape, and I assume she died.
Also, in kind of a selfish way, I liked the opportunity to talk with women in a deep way with no fear of jealousy, misread intentions, awkward intros, etc. They would open up immediately based on our shared experience. Felt like it was a unique opportunity to peer into something I'd never have found otherwise. I can now truly vouch for the idea that women have it generally harder vs men in Western culture.
Based on what? You do not believe men have these same thoughts about their spouse and what happens to their loved ones after they pass? Even guilt as you described. I ask this with respect and curiocity.
Like you said, it was mostly women you spoke with. Also, women are conditioned to open up about their hardships more (in the US).
I’ve seen my fair share of people die, slowly and suddenly. It’s always the same. The men say less. They are expected to. They’re not supposed to complain or say what’s on their mind other than “don’t worry about me.”