Ask HN: Should I move in with my co-founder? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Should I move in with my co-founder?

24 pointsvroth20 comments

Hi everyone,

My cofounder and I started a company in April last year, and it’s all going okay so far. I’ve known him from uni for a few years now, and while obviously not everything is perfect we do manage to get along okay.

Now we’re considering moving in together, signing up for a year contract. But this really makes me wonder... is this really a good idea?

While I can see the benefits of doing so, ie. more opportunities to discuss ideas, iterate, etc... I also worry it might create a “too intense” environment, where there’s little space to breathe and think of things outside of our immediate business needs, which may decrease our productivity and create potential unnecessary friction.

I’m sure somebody here has experienced something similar before, so does anybody have any advice?

Remember this is a year contract... so yeah, any advice would be very welcome!

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I moved in with a co-founder shortly before we started a boot-strapped company (not a start-up).

We had a hard few years with a huge amount of conflict and stress. We nearly went bust on a regular basis. It was hard and went on for a long time.

Looking back I think that living together was a key factor of surviving that. No matter what the conflict was we always managed to move forward over a pizza and an hour of whatever co-op video game we happened to be playing at the time to wind down for the night. We almost never talked about work while at home though. And we had a cleaner come in once a week. We ended up living together for 4 years.

> And we had a cleaner come in once a week.

This is crucial.

> We almost never talked about work while at home though.

This is also important, you need a place and time to disconnect once in a while.

did you found a company once yourself? i have never felt the ability to disconnect since then.

After two or three years of 80 - 100 hour weeks I couldn’t do it anymore. I either had to change something or burn out and quit.

What I did was to visualise the business failing. Every which way I could possibly imagine in detail all while telling myself “I don’t care I’ll find a way to be okay.”

Now when I’m at work I’m totally focused on that and when I’m not I’m totally focused on whatever else I may be doing. I don’t feel stress anymore now either.

I do own my business, it's fairly low volume but it's sustainable.

Assuming you have a good current working environment away from home, I don't see the potential benefits of moving in together outweighing the likely negative consequences that you've mentioned. I definitely agree with you on that your home environment will become too intense.

Everyone needs time away from work, not only to rest but also to be able to take a step back and reflect on your considerations and decisions.

y, you're going to need time away from each other.

It's tough being around someone at work and home.

If you do have a disagreement there won't be anywhere for each of you to retreat to and decompress.

I don't think I would do it.

Plus you will be tempted to brainstorm and keep thinking about work during your home time.

I guess the only way I would recommend it would be if you live in an area where rents are really high and you don't have any other roommate options. And this would increase your runway.

Or if one of you would be out of town most weekends that could help.

Have you lived with your co-founder before? Someone could be a perfectly good co-worker and a nice friend but might just be a horrible roommate. These things just take different qualities. I'd suggest to say like go out on a vacation together and then make those kinds of decision. Don't try to know what kind of a roommate your Co founder would be just based on your experience together as friends or colleagues. There would be huge differences.

Not going to speak to whether moving in together is a good idea, but I've lived in a lot of shared housing situations so here's my advice on how to not hate each other after living together.

- Clean up after yourself. Every fight I've ever had or seen has been about people angry about other roommates not cleaning. Even if you're both slobs, one might be a bigger slob than the other and it will still create tension.

- Do your dishes as soon as you make them dirty! Most fights start when one or both people are not doing their dishes or taking too long to do them.

Other stuff should be obvious, like don't be crazy loud late at night if people are sleeping, don't hog the shower in the morning if you're sharing it, don't neglect things like taking out the trash or vacuuming. But everyone gets in fights over dishes.

Great way to get sick of eachother as quickly as possible.

Partnership is harder than marriage, getting and staying on the same page takes a lot of work. Moving in depends on your dynamic. When synergy exists, there’s nothing like it.

I spent a ton of time with my cofounder, and you really find the depth in relationship between you.

The internet won’t give you specific answers for your situation, maybe try it out short term with one person crashing at the others. Getting a new place together might be easier tho.

Having a fair split of the duties and other roommate strategies will help.

Hi everyone, thank you for all the comments.

We've decided to live together but only for a few months now...

We don't have any separate working environment so our living room would be the only place we spend our time, both working and not working.

Judging by your feedback I'd say that would be a risky move to say the least... as we wouldn't have anywhere else to go and unwind.

I think this is sorted now, thanks again!

I wouldn't. I never lived with the partner I worked with on a long term project, but we ended up spending too much time together as it was and ended up not really speaking to each other for a couple years after. Nothing really bad happened we were just sick of being around each other.

Try it with an AirBnb and see if it works out. It worked for me. Can’t say if it’s good for you or not, but it can give good perspective of your cofounders that can be if help later.

I would not because I feel it can narrow your scope. Ideas etc come from talking/experiencing things with other people.

i try to keep a healthy distance between private space and work space. not so easy. and may not apply to everyones lifestyle.

No.

Off topic, but when will we finally dispense with the faux gravitas of the term “founder”? Congratulations, you and your partner started a business. Since this apparently happens thousands of times a day, a frequency likely matched by the dissolutions of the same, the use of the term “founder”, which implies a far from established permanence, is probably a bit premature.

> the term “founder”, which implies a (..) permanence

Why would it imply that?

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