Pairing causes the social part of my brain to activate which is fine, but I cannot also think analytically in real time while speaking. To do so is somewhat stressful and that stress just mounts up the longer the pairing session lasts.
I was diagnosed autistic at the end of the last year, because I was going to therapy to deal with suicidal ideation caused by the anxiety I was carrying around with me from work. A lot of that is from long sessions of intense pairing leaving me essentially bankrupt of energy to use in my personal life.
There's just so many different non-programming things to keep track of for me as an autistic person while pairing
• Am I giving good input as the coordinator?
• Is my language acceptable?
• Is my tone correct?
• When pairing my mind goes blank for 2-5 seconds at a time and it can strike in the middle of a line, so I forget what I was trying to do and have to re-read the previous lines to remember, does this give my co-workers the impression I'm inept?
• Social anxiety causes hand tremors which make it difficult to type. Expressing thoughts now takes an inordinate amount of time to register via keyboard. Is my coordinator getting frustrated by this? Would it be rude to ask them to take over? Should I do this or is it better to persevere?
Pairing plus frequent high population meetings equals a workplace that's nigh on inhospitable for people like me with sensory processing disorders. Even though I'm sure I'm capable of the meat of the work I cannot do it without the extra steps my company mandates, and these steps reduce my capability in the areas I do exceed!