Hard to get past a title that doesn't know your from you're. And when you do, there's not much there.
there is the message is pretty simple everyone is building apps on top of facebooks data. Basically all these startups are just facebook with a twist, if you really want to make something good that has a chance to disrupt as much as facebook and twitter did you should start from scratch and invent a new category.
If you wrote an email to a VC without being able to demonstrate that you picked up basic writing skills in high school and college, you'd have a longer road to travel to convince them of your overall fitness for funding.