I've had a similar experience. As a late bloomer socially, I attributed my lack of friends to a defect in my person and was depressed about it throughout HS and Uni.

Reading and writing both are very important to me, as I feel like I'm able to convey my thoughts somewhere and also stay in touch with the world.

But the best thing so far has been podcasts. I suspect its because these are real conversations between humans, rather than the scripted conversations of books, movies etc.

I suspect that if I was not fortunate to work in a high income job, I would be forced to be more social (get a roommate, look for satisfaction in companionship etc.). But I actually prefer the solitude to the many issues and drama that comes with relationships and friendships. That can be an all-consuming world, and I've lost my sense of self by being too involved before.

> The toughest situations are on holidays or weekends when I'm walking by restaurants, bars, or houses with private parties full of couples or people who are friends with one another and having a great time.

What helps me with this is to remember that no relationships are as good as they seem from the outside. Perhaps a terrible way to think about these things.

All human societies incentivize partnerships and nudge lonely humans to pair up. I have to wonder how much of this is derived from our recent past. I'm hoping that as the nature of our society evolves, we will be better able to account for everyone's preferences on how to live their life.