If anything mail is pretty much the easiest thing you can possibly pick to scale, because the inbound mail will be automatically retried. And haproxy in front of SMTP servers works just fine (really, any load balancer that can load balance raw TCP connections, but I've used haproxy to load balance thousands of messages a second).
For your user-facing side you need a bit more resiliency, but nothing stops you from using a service like SES to back a traditional setup for sending either. Reliably scaling outbound mail is the easy bit - the hard part is the reputation management that managed mail services provides, and no specific deployment mechanism will solve that.