Ask HN: How did you meet your spouse?
Finding it hard to meet women in Seattle as an expatriate. Putting myself out there in various ways and focusing on myself but it isn't easy. Apps aren't great either.
So it was luck, but the part I view as important was after exchanging a little conversation, we were quiet during the flight. When we deboarded, she was walking in front of me, and I could've just let her go. I consciously made myself catch up to her, continue the conversation, and then ask for her number at luggage pick-up. Meeting her was luck, making sure I didn't let her get away was my choice.
We talked, got along well and switched numbers. Nothing happened for a long while because I couldn't get my thumb out of my arse, but about 6 months later we kissed for the first time.
My wife and I met on Tinder and went out on a couple of dates that went really well — we connected instantly. I was young and stupid at the time — I am just dumb now — and was on an "I need to find myself" phase of my life, so we talked and agreed to stay friends. We started seeing other people, while still meeting every weekend to watch Doctor Who. After the episode, I would usually help her find someone on Tinder, and she would help me.
Eventually, after about a month, I started dating another girl, and she found a guy she liked too. We would still meet every weekend to watch Doctor Who, with our respective dates now, but would also go out for coffee during the week — I work remotely, so I was always at a coffee shop anyway. In one of those meetings, which we now call "The Friday of Temptation," it became clear that we still felt a strong attraction to each other, but we did nothing. She broke up with the guy that same day.
On Saturday — which we call "The Saturday of Betrayal" —, we were texting while she was at a birthday party that she didn't want to go. After a panic attack hit her, I offered to go pick her up as her panic attacks usually get better when I am around.
I called a cab, went to the party, picked her up, and brought her to my apartment — we didn't have any intention of doing anything, as far as I remember. I spent the rest of the night and the beginning of Sunday morning talking to her and calming her down. Eventually, we started rewatching our favorite Doctor Who episode — Empty Child. We started talking, one thing leads to another, and we ended up in bed.
The next morning I took her home, told her I had to speak with my then-girlfriend and would talk to her on Monday. So I went back home, called my girlfriend, she came over, I explained what happened, and we broke up — she reacted better than I did, to be honest. My now-wife had a flight scheduled to the next day, as she was going to spend a few months with her parents in another state, so I got on a plane a few days later and went to meet her — we talked and on December 25th, 2015, I asked if she wanted to make everything "official" — as in, girlfriend, not wife. She agreed to, and we have been living together ever since — although, in my book, we kinda have been living together since day one.
Anyway. I proposed to her on December 25th, 2016, and on December 1st, 2017, we got married. Been together ever since, got two companies together — a photography studio and a WordPress hosting company —, and have been thinking about moving to Romania — we are currently in Brazil — and adopting a dog — we have two cats.
I have no idea how Tinder and other dating applications are these days, but I would definitely say they are worth it. I had an incredible year when I started using it, learned a shit ton about myself, made tons of friends — which later became clients of our studio —, and met the love of my life.
It pays to be honest and have patience. I was brutally honest on my profile description — I made it very clear that I consider myself an asshole, and hey, I proved myself right! —, and "filtered" the people I wanted to talk to not by their look, but by how the initial conversation inside the application went.
Worked for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯