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Comment by danharaj | Hacker News Reader

> Is everyone really required to learn all these new words / triggers / etc. in order to appease a tiny tiny fraction of the population?

Every person you meet is a minority of 1 in 7 billion. Is it so hard for you to learn how to understand people? Do you have trouble with new words and concepts?

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All you have to do if you say something offensive to somebody is say "I'm sorry, I won't say that again. I'll be more accommodating in the future."

> Do you have trouble with new words and concepts?

The trouble comes when a tiny minority (i) decides that the accepted meaning of common terms no longer suits their personal preference — I refer here to the use of they as a generic singular pronoun in formal language — and (ii) insists loudly that anyone who fails to conform to their new preference is being hurtful and disrespectful instead of merely precise.

Can you use a concrete example to illustrate your claim?

I did in the edited version (I hadn't seen your question before doing the edit).

I'ma be real with you chief. That's hella shallow and pedantic.

I think it would be hurtful and disrespectful to die on such a mole hill instead of just accommodating people over something so simple.

It never ceases to astonish me how ready some people are to feel hurt and disrespected — and to brand anyone who disagrees with them as "shallow and pedantic." I have no desire to expend scarce brain cycles trying to keep up with who wants to be addressed in what manner.

> I have no desire to expend scarce brain cycles trying to keep up with who wants to be addressed in what manner.

This is disrespectful. You might think that this disrespect is warranted- that's fine; one must make judgment calls about what to respect and what not to respect. It's still disrespect. Be yourself: own it :)

> This is disrespectful.

You've calibrated your disrespect alarm to an awfully low setpoint.

Many people of different types have preferences about what they consider respectful forms of address and communication. I don't expect people to always get it right (I certainly don't), but it is entirely reasonable to see am unwillingness to even try to be polite as disrespectful.

It's not impolite to use standard terms of address, and it's disrespectful to expect others to learn and remember your personal, nonstandard preference for how you want to be addressed.

They is the only available standard gender neutral term. The only alternative is "it" which is generally considered offensive when applied to people (try calling a new baby whose gender you don't know "it" and see what kind of look you get).

It's not up you how somebody wants to be addressed after requesting it. You don't have to harbor cruel feelings about it. Singular they has been used in English for a long time historically.

> It's not up you how somebody wants to be addressed after requesting it.

Really? If you were to ask me to address you as Your Imperial Majesty, you should not hold your breath waiting for me to comply.

Language evolves; in formal English, singular they has long been unacceptable. (Informal English is another story.)

EDIT:

>You don't have to harbor cruel feelings about it.

You're proving my point in assuming I "harbor cruel feelings" about trans people.

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