My biggest fear: Taking time off, relaxing and resting | Hacker News Reader

My biggest fear: Taking time off, relaxing and resting

leowid.com

24 pointsLeonW10 comments

"I heard someone recently say that they are so scared of doing nothing and just being because they’re afraid that when the engine stops, it can never be turned back on."

I had this exact conversation with my friend last night, she was saying that she was spinning so many plates and afraid that if she let them fall she'd never have the energy to pick any of them back up... feels like it might be true for a lot of people in the tech space.

Rest, relaxation are like sleep. If you're not waking up refreshed and in a good mood, it may be because you were unable to 'turn off the engine'.

Creativity doesn't come from thinking. Nor does enjoying what others have created (and letting them know). Nor does having a sense of humor (try not having one for a while ... see what that does for your social life). And trying to do 10 things at once leads to mistakes and doing far less of them to the best of your ability. Let the machines enjoy being a machine.

No worries.

Disclaimer: The below applies to people without families.

I think some (talented) software engineers would benefit from going through a phase, at least once in their lives, where they quit and travel. And then try to do something on their own. And fail. Because you learn something super important.

Life goes on and things usually look up.

After that happens, you might decide to change how you live. You could take more chances, go on more vacations, devote fewer hours to your employer and more to your self, and generally live with less fear. Remembering that you can make a $100k+ income virtually at will (again, assuming you're reasonably talented) is tremendously empowering.

I like working and dont think I could ever retire and relax type deal. But I also tend to overwork myself by always taking on more and eventually get stressed and 'need' a holiday which has 2 positive effects;

1) Some downtime is good, see somewhere different and hang with family/friends etc

2) After a bit I get bored doing holiday activities and remember how much I like to work. I think this is actually the most positive benefit of a holiday.

This isn't actually possible. Anyone tuned in enough to the vast mystery of life will find themselves always learning, always weaving new narratives about exactly what has happened in the past, is happening now, and might happen in the future. And all of that contributes to next steps. Really taking time of is often a precursor to a great new beginning.

Has anyone had a good experience with a "coach" like this guy? I had a few sessions with a psychodynamic therapist that I thought were pleasant but mostly pointless because there was no accountability or impetus to actually change my behavior

"You can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped"

The impetus must come from you first and foremost. Neither therapist nor coach can force you to change, they exist only to support you. When you have a good enough reason to change, you will.

Or to quote my favorite anecdote from Amanda Palmer's book: doesn't hurt enough yet.

“A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out. A friend walks up to the porch to say hello, and hears an awful yelping, squealing sound coming from inside the house. "What's that terrifyin' sound?" asks the friend. "It's my dog," said the farmer. "He's sittin' on a nail." "Why doesn't he just sit up and get off it?" asks the friend. The farmer deliberates on this and replies: "Doesn't hurt enough yet.”

>>> there was no accountability or impetus to actually change my behavior

That’s what you need to be talking to your therapist about. “I don’t seem to be taking any action to change myself, I’m waiting for others to change me.”

I’ve spent years working 12 hour days.

Right now I can’t bring myself to do much more than an hour a day. I’m not going to attack myself for it.

Reminds me of Ikiru.

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