Amae: Japan’s deep connection to childish relationships
bbc.com
bbc.com
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/eau0cx/japans_deep_c...
I do think that identifying this behavior makes sense, but it's definitely not a uniquely Japanese thing[1] (just like tatemae, uchi/soto) and I'm sure there are existing terms for these phenomena. I'm not saying there isn't a Japan-specific aspect to it, but I'd rather learn about what that is than being described a rather generic behavior and link it to Japan.
I mean all these concepts were introduced by a single person and there's IMO so far been little deeper research into it.
[1] The article tries a little bit to not make that point but Doi says so... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Anatomy_of_Dependence
To say nothing of the part with crying kids that become needy and less adventurous if the parents don't come to their side immediately, that really came out of nowhere, sounded like 100% pop-science (which most of the child-related psychology studies really are, to be honest).
I agree that part is not really unique, but if you are an obvious foreigner and stare at a map in a train station for more than a few seconds, a stranger will come up and ask you if you need directions. Maybe it is just people who want a chance to practice their English, or something (since they all have to learn it in school, but do not get a lot of chances to use it in daily life). However, I have literally had someone walk me halfway across the station and wait with me on the platform to personally see me get on the right train, during the middle of commuter rush hour, even though it was not the way she was going at all. That kind of stuff only happens to me in Japan, and it happens to me there repeatedly.
Of course, in the modern cellphone era, navigating Japan is not the imposing challenge for foreigners that it once was.
But when I had a problem using an automated bikeshare machine in Kanazawa, some guy and his girlfriend were more than helpful, even calling the bikeshare place on his phone to work out the problem.
What that part of the article was trying to convey was that if you approach a Japanese person a bit sheepishly and looking confused, you'll get a much more enthusiastic response than if you directly approach and say "excuse me".
It's not unique to Japan, but it is different than a lot of places.
I mean, here is the quote that is getting everybody upset:
> “It’s unique in Japan because one word takes care of so many phenomena, behaviours and interactions”, from a toddler crying to be picked up to a wife begging her husband for an expensive gift, “but amae exists everywhere beyond Japan and people can identify it in their lives, even if they didn’t know what to call it.”
The interviewee clearly says this is a global concept, which goes against any notion of Nihonjinron. The claim is that only Japan has a term for this specific, nuanced behavior, which is a debatable issue.
Anybody that has ever spent time in an intimate environment in Japan (e.g., at home with family) will likely notice amae and its prevalence in close relationships, no matter the age or gender of the people involved. The purpose of the article, as far as I can tell, is not to claim that this behavior is unique to Japanese people, but rather to emphasize its importance in the culture at many different levels.
When I read this article, I don’t see amae as something uniquely Japanese of course, but I do see how it is perceived differently in the two cultures. I think the point behind the article is that indulging in amae (both with children and as an adult) is more socially acceptable in Japanese culture than in American or other Western cultures.
Almost always seems to result in greater intimacy used in that manner.
What’s interesting is the fact that this is the same channel used abusively. I think I’ve seen that in action but not connected it as the same thing because the results are qualitatively different.
I like this thought on this being a two-way street; could you explain a bit more / build on that idea?
Or perhaps there's a Ben Franklin Effect[0] sort of thing going on.
Its so difficult to show your true self if you follow japanese culture. There are many who are more westernized and open and say what they want but still, there's this shyness or a barrier you always have.
Sometimes you just have to say F it and just say what you want!
Are we not supposed to ask the advice of the expert? Tell a doctor you looked up symptoms on google and they'll get irritated. This example is odd to me.