Some programmers will ask you "why didn't you just" questions about something you've worked on for weeks, months or years, not because they think they're smarter than you, but because they never think about anything for weeks, months or years.
If I don't value interacting with that person, then I've already lost before I start. Communicate for its own sake. Enjoy the journey or don't bother with the destination. Expectations of being understood or being judged favorably just confuse the issue.
I understand why this becomes an issue, but I don't think it is productive to concern ourselves with such peccadillos. If these things become important, we might be starting from the wrong place.
I feel there is something missing in this whole discussion and that's the question of unsolicited advice. I don't think anyone will feel insulted if the j-word comes out after they have asked for help on a problem.
On the other hand, It's hard not to feel like that question is condescending when it is unsolicited.