I think the state of the classical computer qualifies as a nonlocal hidden variable.
To use the language of formal logic, the classical computer is a model for quantum theory, i.e. (classical computer) |- QM. Within the QM theory, the computer qualifies as a non-local hidden variable, even though within the classical theory the computer is embedded in, it is local.
Another toy example is Bohmian mechanics on configuration space: the theory is just a local PDE + local particle. But that's non-local in physical space.
>We don't even have a consistent definition of entanglement for three or more particles. We don't know, we haven't been able to calculate, but I have reason to suspect, that measurement consistent with Born probabilities could be entirely explained by the deterministic axioms already part of Quantum Mechanics.
Decoherence makes sense on the macroscale (1000+ particles), although it's true that 40 particles is iffy. Different classical states (i.e., experimental apparatus has light on vs light off) are separated by a distance sqrt(number of particles) in configuration space, and don't interact.
As for explaining measurement with Born probabilities, that's reasonable. My co-conspirators and I currently have a physical, macroscale model where we show this to be true (no citation yet, but I'd be happy to explain more via email). But you still need some ontology.
All deterministic QM can show is that the probabilities work out correctly; i.e., the born probability of (measurement 1 says spin up, measurement 2 says spin down) = 0.
You still need a way to actually pick a configuration based on that probability distribution. The universe as we (you, me, even pg) know it is a point in configuration space, not a wavefunction. I'm happy with both MW and Bohm for that purpose.